How to Understand the Tao Te Ching Without Actually Reading It
WEST CHESTER, Pa.–The Tao Te Ching, a book of ancient Chinese wisdom, is roughly 2,500 years old, but nobody has figured
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Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at About 150
WEST CHESTER, PA—The civilized world was staggered yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That’s
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Atheist Brotherhood to Begin Unbaptizing Dead People
WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) will begin unbaptizing dead people next month, says the group’s
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Saint Dymphna Patron Saint of Home Schooling and West Virginia
WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Imagine you are a fourteen-year-old girl and you discover that your father wants to hook up with you because
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National One-Hit Wonders Day Quiz
WEST GOSHEN, PA—Today we sing the praises of the one-hit wonder (OHW)—pop music’s most prodigious benefactor, the artist who keeps on
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Magic Mushroom Research Validates Sixties Stories
BALTIMORE, MD — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University’s School of Medicine’s Internal Research Department have demonstrated that the sixties, a period
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Carron J. Phillips of Deadspin is the Asshat of the Moment
Inspiration, like god, works in mysterious ways. Just the other day we were inspired by a piece we saw on the
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Yin and Yang Seek Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Differences
Brussels–Yin and Yang, one of the world’s most beloved and recognizable couples, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the
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How to Tell You Were Masturbating to Bad Porn
WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Jesus once said, “The porn you will always have with you.” He was right. In fact, porn is multiplying
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National Amuse-bouche Day
There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who go to restaurants that offer amuse-bouche and those that do
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High Times Declares Five Strains of Cannabis Extinct
NEW YORK—High Times magazine estimates that 98 percent of all marijuana strains ever created have gone extinct, and more strains face
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National Heteronormative Pride Day
If Voltaire had not said, “Define your terms and the argument ceases,” we would have to pretend that he had, if
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The overthrow of Roe v. Wade, according to many in the chatterverse, signaled a trampling of all that’s good and holy
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Thoughts on First Visiting Wellsboro Cemetery
The boast of heraldry, the pomp of pow’r,And all that beauty, all that wealth e’er gave,Awaits alike th’ inevitable hour.The paths
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PETA Warns Against Having Sex in Front of Your Pets
HAMPTON ROADS, VA—People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ (PETA) latest campaign is likely to be its most controversial. The veteran
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