National Amuse-bouche Day
There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who go to restaurants that offer amuse-bouche and those that
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Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at About 150
WEST CHESTER, PA—The civilized world was staggered yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven.
ContinueHigh Times Declares Five Strains of Cannabis Extinct
NEW YORK—High Times magazine estimates that 98 percent of all marijuana strains ever created have gone extinct, and more strains
ContinueNational Heteronormative Pride Day
If Voltaire had not said, “Define your terms and the argument ceases,” we would have to pretend that he had,
ContinueTop Ten Things That Will Fall Now That Roe Has Fallen
The overthrow of Roe v. Wade, according to many in the chatterverse, signaled a trampling of all that’s good and
ContinuePETA Warns Against Having Sex in Front of Your Pets
HAMPTON ROADS, VA—People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ (PETA) latest campaign is likely to be its most controversial. The
ContinueWal-Mart Pulls All Chinese Toothpaste in the United States
BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Wal-Mart will no longer sell Chinese toothpaste in its United States outlets. The global retail giant announced
ContinueParental Controls Fail: Porn, Stupid TV, Cooking Shows Still Dominate
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Despite their widespread use, parental controls have been a disappointment as a means of empowering children
ContinueAtheist Brotherhood to Begin Unbaptizing Dead People
WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) will begin unbaptizing dead people next month, says the
ContinueDid God Write Other Books Besides The Bible?
WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Like J.K. Rowling, who has not stopped writing since finishing the Harry Potter series, God may not have
ContinueCDCP Issues Rare Purple Alert Regarding Naked Yoga Breast Feeding
ATLANTA, Ga.–The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDCP) has issued a purple alert, its highest consumer warning, over the
ContinuePortly Singles Kicked Off BeautifulPeople.com Launch PrettyFaces.com
BOSTON, Mass. – Portly singles kicked off the elite dating site BeautifulPeople.com, the self-proclaimed “sexiest website in the world today,”
ContinueYin and Yang Seek Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Differences
Brussels–Yin and Yang, one of the world’s most beloved and recognizable couples, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as
ContinueMagic Mushroom Research Validates Sixties Stories
BALTIMORE, MD — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University’s School of Medicine’s Internal Research Department have demonstrated that the sixties, a
ContinueThoughts on First Visiting Wellsboro Cemetery
The boast of heraldry, the pomp of pow’r,And all that beauty, all that wealth e’er gave,Awaits alike th’ inevitable hour.The
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