June 2005 – postcards from the pug bus

Being Bobby Brown Hits Home

Chip Hilton 247 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – “Being Bobby Brown Houston,” which premiers tonight on the Bravo channel, is a bold, unsparing attempt to deconstruct the myth of celebrity; and judging from the back-to-back episodes, sandwiched proudly like … Read on

Music

Starbucks to Release Rare Dylan Flavor

philmaggitti 222 Views 2 min read

SEATTLE – Starbucks announced yesterday that it will release a new coffee flavor, Gaslight, on August 30. Named after the cafe where Bob Dylan was a regular more than forty years ago, Gaslight is a … Read on

Religion

Pope John Paul II on Fast Track for Sainthood

Biff Scuzzy 253 Views 4 min read

ROME – Catholics campaigning to have the late Pope John Paul II declared a saint in record time should welcome two reports of miracles alleged to have occurred at the pontiff’s tomb.

A woman from … Read on

Religion

Court Division on Ten Commandments Seen as Good

philmaggitti 233 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Supreme Court decision regarding the placement of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms and public buildings is expected to give a boost to sales of the boxed-set, leather-bound collectors’ edition of the … Read on

Celebrities

Paula Abdul Joins Live 8 Clean Nail Crusade

Chip Hilton 215 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – American Idol judge Paula Abdul has agreed to co-host the Live 8 broadcast from Philadelphia this weekend. Although Abdul had originally declined to participate in Live 8 because of “a pre-existing vacation … Read on

Religion

Ten Commandments Decision On Record

Biff Scuzzy 239 Views 3 min read

OPP, Alabama – A boxed-set, leather-bound collectors edition of the Ten Commandments, complete with an illustrated, twenty-six-page, large-print booklet containing an accurate facsimile of God’s original outline and recording notes, will hit record stores early … Read on

Celebrities

Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist

Chip Hilton 232 Views 3 min read

CARDIFF – Charlotte Church, Wales’ answer to Courtney Love, earned $27 million as a child prodigy singing operatic and classical tunes. Since getting her hands on that money when she turned eighteen last year, Church … Read on

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Gets His Own Psychiatric Syndrome

Chip Hilton 256 Views 4 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American Psychiatric Association (APA) announced today that Tom Cruise Syndrome—illustrated by a photo of Cruise dancing on Oprah Winfrey’s couch—will be added to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical … Read on

Celebrities

Oprah Winfrey Ruse Didn’t Fool Hermes

Biff Scuzzy 261 Views 3 min read

PARIS – Rumors about Oprah Winfrey’s shoplifting habits resurfaced after the talk show host and her posse had been turned away from a Hermes shop in Paris last week. Winfrey and company arrived at the … Read on

News

Courtney Love Chief Suspect in Pamela Anderson Robbery

Chip Hilton 229 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Sources close to the investigation of a recent break-in at Pamela Anderson’s house say Courtney Love is their chief suspect in the case. An unknown individual broke into Anderson’s house, rifled through … Read on

Celebrities

Free Katie Holmes Movement Gathers President Bush Endorsement

Chip Hilton 224 Views 4 min read

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush has added his voice to the growing chorus demanding an investigation into the whereabouts of actress Katie Holmes. Like an increasing number of Americans, President Bush has come to … Read on

Blog

Chapter 2: The Antimother

philmaggitti 355 Views 10 min read

I wouldn’t be writing this book if my wife Mary Ann had not decided that our first pug, Percy, needed another dog for companionship. The chief element of canine companionship, of course, is mutual butt … Read on

News

Cruise, DiCaprio Attacks Spur Hate Crime Legislation

Chip Hilton 216 Views 2 min read

SACRAMENTO, Calif. – The recent attacks on Tom Cruise and Leonardo DiCaprio have inspired California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to ask the state legislature to pass a law that would make attacks on movie stars a … Read on

News

President Bush Again Denies John Bolton is the Antichrist

philmaggitti 250 Views 4 min read

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush was forced to deny again yesterday that John Bolton, his Mephistophelean nominee for ambassador to the United Nations, is, in fact, the Antichrist.

“Mr. Bolton’s mustache may intimidate women … Read on

News

Tom Cruise Squirted by Harry Potter Fan

Chip Hilton 245 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Scientologist Tom Cruise was “attacked” last night by a Harry Potter fan wielding a water pistol disguised as a microphone. The attack occurred as Cruise was talking to some of the five thousand … Read on

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