April 2007 – Page 2 – postcards from the pug bus

Tom Cruise Challenges Global Warming Report

Chip Hilton 243 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Tom Cruise dismissed the global warming report issued by the United Nations as “a load of pseudo-scientific hooey” that offers “temporary bromides” instead of real solutions to the world’s temperature increases.

Addressing … Read on

Technology

Sluggish Vista Users Will Be Patched by Microsoft

philmaggitti 244 Views 2 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – The Microsoft Corporation has responded swiftly to complaints from Windows Vista users who reported feeling sluggish after upgrading to the new operating system. Yesterday the Redmond giant released the first of six … Read on

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Case to Be Decided by American Idol Voters

Biff Scuzzy 219 Views 2 min read

NASSAU, The Bahamas – The identity of the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn, will be determined by American Idol voters, a Nassau judge declared yesterday.

Beginning with next Tuesday’s show, viewers will choose … Read on

Music

Keith Richards Snorted His Cat’s Ashes

Chip Hilton 235 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Rolling Stones rhythm guitarist Keith Richards angrily denied a report that he had snorted his late father’s ashes. During a chance meeting with Rolling Stone magazine’s AARP correspondent, Anthony D. Curtis, in … Read on

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith’s Daughter Identifies Her Father

Chip Hilton 258 Views 2 min read

NASSAU, Bahamas – Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn, spoke her first word yesterday, and the news was not good for Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, or Frederic Prince von Anhalt—all of whom claim to be … Read on

Sporting Life

Ohio State’s Greg Oden Out of NCAA Title Game

philmaggitti 235 Views 2 min read

ATLANTA – Ohio State freshman center Greg Oden has been declared ineligible for tonight’s NCAA championship game with the University of Florida. NCAA officials, acting on a tip, visited Mr. Oden’s MySpace page on the … Read on

Religion

Chocolate Jesus Penis Stolen, Display Canceled

Biff Scuzzy 255 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Someone stole the penis from the nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ that had been scheduled to go on display in New York tomorrow night. The theft was discovered early … Read on