August 2013 – postcards from the pug bus

Exclusive Interview with a Handicapped Parking Sticker Cheat

philmaggitti 264 Views 3 min read

WILMINGTON, De.–We’ll call him Ralph. He is one of a growing breed of white-collar hipster criminal: the handicapped-parking-sticker cheat. You can find him from Boston to Baha, parking illegally in a space reserved for someone … Read on

News

Republican Drive to Impeach Obama Focuses on His Biracial Status

Biff Scuzzy 239 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON‐House Republicans, who have been accused of being racists for wanting to impeach President Obama, have issued their strongest denial of that charge to date. In fact, it is their first denial because Republicans who … Read on

Technology

NSA Admits to Snooping on Your Booty Calls

philmaggitti 245 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON–National Security Agency (NSA) personnel have, on numerous occasions, used their agency’s ginormous eavesdropping power to spy on booty calls and other communications of a sexual nature, reported FOX News “O’Reilley Factor” last night.

The … Read on

Sporting Life

Allen Iverson Set to Return to the NBA as Philadelphia 76ers Mascot

philmaggitti 251 Views 2 min read

PHILADELPHIA–Allen Iverson, an eleven-time all-star who has not played in the National Basketball Association (NBA) since 2010, is set to announce his return to the league as Hip-Hop, the once and future mascot of the … Read on

News

NSA Instrumental in Busting Thai Gang Selling Fake Elephant IDs

Chip Hilton 260 Views 2 min read

BANGKOK(AP)– The National Security Agency (NSA) is claiming to have played “a major role” in helping police in Thailand to break up a gang that had provided false identification papers for fourteen elephants, a spokesperson … Read on

Saints Alive

Pope Francis Appoints St. Christopher the Patron Saint of Texting

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VATICAN CITY–In perhaps his most populist and daring move yet, Pope Francis the First, also known as The People’s Pope, issued a divine apostolic proclamation (DAP) last week appointing St. Christopher to the position of … Read on

Culture

Ask Nietzsche, Advice for Atheists When People Say Grace Before a Meal

philmaggitti 225 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Atheism is the quickest-growing non-religion in the United States. To celebrate this glorious fact, we are pleased to introduce a series of articles of, by, for, and about atheists. We begin with “Ask … Read on

Horoscopes

Robert Redford’s, Roman Polanski’s, and Martin Mull’s Horoscope

philmaggitti 267 Views 5 min read

Born today you are strongly influenced by the House of Cinema, the ruling house in Leo. Unfortunately, the House of Cinema is a multiplex arrangement, and your fate hinges on which unmarked door of the … Read on

Ass Hats

Oprah Stomps Her Way to an Ass Hat of the Moment Award

philmaggitti 275 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Oprah Winfrey gave away a car on Jimmy Kimmel’s show last night in a transparent attempt to deflect attention from her failed transparent attempt to draw attention to her new movie, something or … Read on

Saints Alive

St. Giles, Patron Saint of Breastfeeding, Hermits & Edinburgh, Scotland

philmaggitti 245 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–If you are a breastfeeding hermit living in cave near Edinburgh, Scotland, have we got a saint for you. His name is Giles, and he was born a wealthy nobleman in Athens, Greece, … Read on

Horoscopes

Celebrity Horoscopes by Catmando, the Star-Hating Seer

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Some interesting celebrity birthdays will land in Catmando’s litter box this week. On Wednesday the impossibly white Steve Martin will be 67; the often impossible to understand Magic Johnson will be 53; and the impossible … Read on

Saints Alive

Joseph of Cupertino, Patron Saint of Air Travel, Dummies Books

philmaggitti 251 Views 4 min read

On October 4, 1630, the village of Cupertino, Italy, held a procession on the feast day of Saint Francis of Assisi. During the procession a young priest named Joseph, who was there to clean up … Read on

News

Slap Hillary and Ten Other Women that Need Slapping

Biff Scuzzy 251 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Ultra Violet, a group that wages a self-righteous holy war against perceived sexism, has its white cotton panties in a bunch over the Slap Hillary game currently available on the web at Slap … Read on

News

Obama Unfriends Putin on Facebook, International Crisis Looms

Chip Hilton 259 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–The Pug Bus learned overnight that President Barack Obama has unfriended Russian president Vladimir Putin on Facebook in retaliation for Mr. Putin’s offering temporary asylum to Edward Snowden. The news sent shock waves … Read on

Horoscopes

Your Horoscope Features Some Complex Shit

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“Raping Before Pillaging”
The Next Episode Of
*Complex Shit*

The dominant birthday this week belongs to Paul McCarthy, who was born on August 4, 1945. Formally trained as a painter, Mr. McCarthy’s main interest lies … Read on

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