Friday, April 19, 2024
Music

Bono Reunited with His Hat

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(UPDATE) – A joyous Bono declared that “justice had prevailed” when he learned that a circuit civil court judge in Dublin had ruled that Bono’s one-time personal fashion consultant had to return various articles of clothing and photographs wrongfully obtained from the fashion-impaired political activist.

The disputed items in the historic case were a Stetson hat festooned with buttons, a pair of black, pre-washed denim trousers with calico knee patches and fringe cuffs, a green sweatshirt bearing an image of Che Guevara, a pair of tin hoop earrings, and 200 photos.

The fashion consultant, Lola Cashman, argued that Bono had given the items to her in Phoenix, Arizona, at the conclusion of the U.S. leg of U2’s Joshua Tree tour in 1987.

“Bono was running around backstage singing “I Am the Walrus” when he suddenly stopped, took of the pants, sweat shirt, hat, and earrings and gave them to me,” Cashman testified. “He said, ‘Here, burn these, the make me look like a right twit.’ Then I then took several pictures of Bono in his Y-fronts, dancing on one of the catering tables.”

Bono contended that Cashman had taken the clothes from his dressing room without permission after he had changed into a pair of red crushed velour trousers and a gold Nehru jacket for a band dinner.

“First of all, I liked those clothes,” said Bono. “Second of all, given the iconic status of everything that comes into contact with me, I would have been daft to give those items away.”

Bono’s lawyers further argued that even though the articles of clothing, particularly the hat, were unlikely to fit Bono any longer, there was “a larger principle at stake than mere fashion statements.”

The judge gave Cashman, who stopped working for the band in 1988 because Bono refused to cut his mullet, seven days to return the items, valued at an estimated 5,000 euro ($A8,000). Bono has always maintained stoutly that the clothes will still fit, and he has requested that they be airlifted to him as soon as Cashman surrenders them.

In other news, the U.S. government Tuesday revised its 2004 estimate of terrorist attacks around the world, increasing the number from 651 to 3,192 after changing to a broader definition of terrorism. The new definition includes physical hand gestures, prolonged horn honking at traffic lights, and grabbing one’s crotch while pointing to another individual or public monument.

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