Horoscopes

Gemstones, colors, and planetary alignment are the traditional ingredients in the astrological stew. Unfortunately they emphasize nature to the exclusion of nurture, thereby yielding one-dimensional, lifeless predictions. Catmando, our guest astrologer today, believes that nurture is… Read on

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Everybody knows that different gemstones, power phrases, colors, handshakes, and non-GMO crystals are associated with the various signs of the Zodiac. Only the elevated stargazer, however, can see the relationships among different items … Read on

Unlike most pot-related horoscopes, which aren’t worth the pixels they’re printed on, the Ganjascope℠ was chosen recently by Consumer Reports® as “the most virtually accurate” of the major marijuana horoscopes. “The standard error of measure … Read on

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Born December 18, you share a birthday with Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, who is 148 in Smirnoff years. Like Richards’, your life is one near-death experience after another … Read on

Today’s birthdays: Drummer Tre Cool of Green Day is 47. Singer, game show host, professional Mormon Donny Osmond is 62. Actor John Malkovich and his mind are 66. Actor Beau Bridges is 78. Actress Judi … Read on

Aries (3/21–4/19): No matter how embarrassed you are by keyboard plaque, do not attempt to remove it with your dab rig torch. CBD tincture is more holistic and effective. Be sure to back up all … Read on

Catmando—the office cat here at the Ganjascope℠, is descended from a race of mythical creatures who are half human, half feline, and half baked. Much of the bumbling accuracy with which the Ganjascope℠ can see … Read on

WEST CHESTER, PA—The Readers Digest and Postcards from the Pug Bus will “partner” to bring the GanjaScope℠ to RD’s 38,000,000 readers beginning in January next year. In return the Pug Bus will run the occasional … Read on

The Ganjascope℠, Snoop Dogg’s favorite astrological bulletin, was honored by the New York Times with its First Annual Trichome Award for excellence in marijuana writing. “The Ganjascope© makes dank, bold predictions that challenge credulity without … Read on

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22): Your sun is in Leo, which could portend trouble because it’s supposed to be in Albuquerque. Leo’s son, meanwhile, has just confessed his love for his stepmother, who is being blackmailed … Read on

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): Sagittarians are ever the cynics. Always willing to believe it isn’t butter; that some people’s minds wouldn’t be a terrible thing to waste; and that maybe you don’t deserve a break … Read on

Aries (3/21 – 4/19): Someone sitting next to you at a concert will execute the puff-puff-pass maneuver; then he’ll ask you if you can change a twenty. This is a trick question. Don’t rifle through … Read on

WEST CHESTER, PA—British rocker Rod Stewart was born seventy-two years ago today. American singer Francis Wayne Sinatra (a/k/a/ “Frank Sinatra Jr”), who died last year at the age of seventy-one, was also born on January … Read on

NEW YORK—Rolling Stones poltergeist and guitarist Keith Richards, 73, celebrated his birthday today by announcing his support for Donald J. Trump when “those cats at the electoral college meet to elect a president tomorrow.” Mr. … Read on