Colin Farrell Censored Website Photo, Exclusive

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LOS ANGELES – Colin Farrell’s latest attempt to stop the world from seeing the sex video he made with his former girlfriend Nicole Narain two years ago has people wondering what he’s trying to hide.

Last summer Farrell obtained a court order preventing Narain from selling the video. Nevertheless copies of the video were offered for sale at the low, low price of $14.95, payable in one easy installment, on the website earlier this week.

Quicker than you could say, “I’ll have one and give me one for my brother-in-law,” the website was shut down for violating the aforesaid court order blocking the video’s release.

“We’re extremely upset,” said Narain’s lawyer, Leodis Matthews. “This is a black-market enterprise. Nicole isn’t getting a dime from this. We’re outraged; $14.95 is a ridiculous price.”

While Narain continues to pursue a profitable white market release through the court, Farrell continues to dig in his heels, vowing to prevent any release at all. His determination has people wondering. In an industry where there is no such animal as bad publicity—and where sex videos have actually given a leg up to the careers of Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, and the gifted Tommy Lee—Farrell’s agitated resolve to block the distribution of the video he made with Narain is beginning to look suspect.

“I think he’s afraid that if people see him full monty, they’ll start calling him Minority Report,” laughed one friend of Narain’s who claims to have seen the video. “It must have been awfully cold in the house when they filmed that thing.”

Farrell, 29, could not be reached for comment, but he has argued through his attorney, Martin Singer, that the release of the fifteen-
minute home video would cause irreparable injury to his reputation and impair his chances for future employment.

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“That’s a crock,” said Narain’s friend. “He’s already done irreparable damage to his reputation by appearing in turkeys like Alexander. Matter of fact, Colin’s as much a flop in Nicole’s video as we was in Alexander; and the video is closer to five minutes than fifteen, by the way.”

Truth be told, such a disparaging assessment of Farrell’s manhood runs counter to the prevailing skinny in the entertainment world, where the Irish actor is hailed for being anything but skinny. Indeed, two years ago The Sun, London’s tabloid conscience, reported that Farrell’s full frontal nude scene had to be cut from A Home at the End of the World because “the sight of him looming toward the camera frightened test audiences.” One woman, who suffers from anacondaphobia (fear of snakes) had to be helped from the screening room.

What’s more, after seeing “Colossal Colin,” as The Sun dubbed him, test audiences had difficulty following the plot of the movie, and some women squealed and giggled every time Farrell was on screen.

As Farrell vowed never to do another nude scene following the Home at the End of the World screenings, the truth about him may never be know.

In other news, President George W. Bush has agreed to appear in his infamous flight suit for his cameo role in Toby Keith’s new music video, Iraq Is Not a Four-Letter Word.    

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