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Guido Barilla Announces New Regina Brand Pasta

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PARMA, Italy–Guido Barilla, chairman of the Barilla Group, the world’s leading pasta manufacturer, announced yesterday that his company plans to introduce a “boutique” pasta line known as Regina early next year.

A pun on an Italian slang term meaning queen or homosexual, the Regina brand will cater to “the type of people—reginas and lesbiche—not permitted in traditional Barilla advertising,” said Mr. Barilla.

In a radio interview earlier this week, Mr. Barilla stirred the pot of controversy when he declared, “The ‘sacred’ or ‘nuclear’ family remains one of our company’s core values. The Barilla family is a traditional family. If reginas like our pasta and our advertising, they will eat our pasta; if they don’t, they will eat someone else’s pasta.”

Then, not realizing that his mic was still live, he added, “Me ne sbatto il cazzo.”

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This remark, loosely translated as “I don’t give a shit,” set off a firestorm of criticism as well as calls for a boycott—and even a mancott—of Barilla products.

After tripping over his belino in two unsuccessful attempts at apologizing for his remarks, Mr. Barilla hit upon the idea of Regina pasta.

“I think this will show our reginas and lesbiche friends that even though we find their lifestyle offensive, we can still extend the hand of friendship and commerce to them.”

Advertising for Regina pasta will feature “authentic reginas and lesbiche models,” according to Cosimo Barilla, director of community outreach for the Barilla Group. In addition, the Regina brand will be assigned different colors and pasta shapes, “so as not to offend our more traditional customers.”

Among the “fun” Regina shapes are
®checca, which means rainbow in Naples, where these gaily colored ribbons of pasta are traditionally served in a cream sauce on the feast of St. Anale;

®fanook, often confused with commercial farfalle or bow-tie pasta, fanook is a delicate, hand-cut butterfly creation that pairs with light, blush sauces and fruity wines;

®fregna, the delicate, yet sensual petal shape of this elegant and inspiring pasta makes a lesbica want to plant her face in a bowl;

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®multo belino is a throbbing, ropey pasta much favored among Italian seamen, who always order this treat with two large meatballs;

®Tarzanello means “tight, little clumps of short, curly hair with bits stuck on them,” and these sweaty nests of ribbony noodles certainly live down to that name, especially when you add finely ground bits of pork sausage to the stir. Bottom Line? Suitable for a wide variety of “alternative lifestyles”;

®radiatori or “tiny radiators that tickle like a fanook’s mustache” in Italian, this small, post-industrial-shaped pasta delivers attitude and adherence in any thick-sauce throw down.

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