Nicole Richie’s Top Ten Signs You’re Visiting a Bad Porn Web Site

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HOLLYWOOD – Nicole Richie told Vanity Fair that she did not screen Paris Hilton’s career-making sex tape, “1 Night in Paris,” for some of their friends at a Los Angeles party. According to a longstanding Hollywood rumor, Ms. Hilton’s celebrated feud with Ms. Richie began in January 2005 when Ms. Hilton arrived at a party where Ms. Richie and several of their friends were sitting around laughing at the raunchy film made by Ms. Hilton’s ex-lover Rick Saloman.

Claiming that she doesn’t watch porn, Ms. Richie told Vanity Fair that even if she did, she wouldn’t be tempted to watch Ms. Hilton’s xxx-rated performance.

“I don’t want to see someone I’ve known forever having sex,” said Ms. Richie. “I mean, that’s gross!”

Ms. Richie did allow that during her research for her first novel, The Truth about Diamonds, she had occasion to visit a number of porn web sites. That experience prompted her to draw up a list of the top ten signs you’re visiting a bad porn site.

10. All the women trim their mustaches into cute little strips.

  9. Disclaimer: No animals were harmed during the filming of these videos.

  8. Accepts Visa, MasterCard, and food stamps.

  7. The men all have names like Freddy Firehose or Dr. Cyclops.

  6. Children under twelve must be accompanied by an adult.

  5. The adult does not have to be a parent or legal guardian.

  4. One-hour memberships available.

  3. Toilet cams are not cleaned frequently.

  2. Passwords limited to three characters; one must be different from the other two.

  1. The woman playing Paris Hilton really is Paris Hilton.    

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