Thursday, April 25, 2024
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Obama Allows Gas Stations and Bars to Begin Offering Flu Shots

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WASHINGTON–In a move that critics say is calculated to detract from the cluster fuck that passes for his Syria policy, President Obama signed an executive order yesterday authorizing gas stations and bars to begin offering flu shots. The order is an addendum to the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, the cluster fuck known as Obamacare.

“Preventive medicine is the keystone of our nation’s health care system,” said the president. “That is why this initiative is necessary—to provide people with the protection they need at a reasonable cost until we are finally able to stop postponing the implementation of various parts of the Affordable Care Act.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 45 million Americans did not have health insurance during the first nine months of 2012. As the president noted, however, “It’s a good bet those folks still put gas in their vehicles, and they still enjoy a couple of beers after work, or instead of work if they don’t have a job. They shouldn’t be denied a flu shot just because they cling to their trucks and alcohol instead of visiting a doctor.”

The president’s initiative comes at a time when competition for the lucrative flu-shot market is beyond intense, as anyone who has been backed into a corner by a pharmacist wielding a needle can attest. The average cost of a flu shot is $35. Roughly 175 million units of flu vaccine were “moved” last year, making flu prevention a $6.1 billion power-ball jackpot.

Although medical practitioners once enjoyed a monopoly on this lotto, those days have gone the way of doctors who make house calls. More than 20 percent of the doses of flu vaccines administered last year were distributed through retailers such as supermarkets, department stores, and pharmacies. Now gas stations and bars can join the scrum if they meet government guidelines

Gas station or bar owners who want to provide flu shots should arrange to have a registered nurse or a licensed private nurse on full or part time duty solely for that purpose. In rural areas gas station and bar employees can administer flu shots if they have completed two, one-hour training courses at a local or regional hospital. On the days they administer flu shots, mechanics are not permitted to work on cars, nor will bar employees be permitted to serve food or alcoholic beverages.

Bars participating in the program must derive at least 10 percent of gross revenue from the sale of non-packaged food products. In addition, bars may not provide flu shots to customers who are visibly intoxicated or under age, unless they are accompanied by a parent or guardian.

Gas stations must provide clean restrooms, whether they are physically attached to the gas stations or not. What’s more, no gas station or bar may refuse a flu shot to anyone because he or she did not make a purchase.

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Tie-in deals are another matter. Winn-Dixie markets’ “What-A-Deal Flu-Prevention Program” offers a $5 discount off its $29.99 vaccination, plus five free grocery items such as apples, donuts, and pork rinds to persons who get inoculated. At Safeway’s more than 1,100 stores each flu shot comes with a 10 percent discount coupon for groceries.

Already there are signs that gas stations will follow suit. A sign outside Little Willie’s Gas ‘n’ Go near Dahlonega, Georgia , read: “Starting September 21, free 16-oz Red Bull and 98¢ condom with Flu shot. Clean needles, no waiting,”    


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