postcards from the pug bus – Page 2 – lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at About 150

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WEST CHESTER, PA—The civilized world was staggered yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That’s 1-to-the-5-plus-0 people. Period. Fewer people than the population of septic fields like Armpit, New … Read on

News

Atheist Brotherhood to Begin Unbaptizing Dead People

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WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) will begin unbaptizing dead people next month, says the group’s founder, the Reverend Philip Feral. Believed to be the first program of its kind … Read on

Horoscopes

Your Horoscope Is Determined By Your Car

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Gemstones, colors, and planetary alignment are the traditional ingredients in the astrological stew. Unfortunately they emphasize nature to the exclusion of nurture, thereby yielding one-dimensional, lifeless predictions. Catmando, our guest astrologer today, believes that nurture is… Read on

Saints Alive

Saint Dymphna Patron Saint of Home Schooling and West Virginia

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WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Imagine you are a fourteen-year-old girl and you discover that your father wants to hook up with you because you resemble your late mother. You’ve unfriended him on Facebook and you ignore his … Read on

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

National One-Hit Wonders Day Quiz

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WEST GOSHEN, PA—Today we sing the praises of the one-hit wonder (OHW)—pop music’s most prodigious benefactor, the artist who keeps on giving even after he or she or them or it is no longer selling … Read on

News

Magic Mushroom Research Validates Sixties Stories

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BALTIMORE, MD — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University’s School of Medicine’s Internal Research Department have demonstrated that the sixties, a period of mythical renown in American culture, really were as “groovy” as some people claim. … Read on

Ass Hats

Carron J. Phillips of Deadspin is the Asshat of the Moment

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Inspiration, like god, works in mysterious ways. Just the other day we were inspired by a piece we saw on the Deadspin website, not a place where a person usually goes for inspiration. … Read on

News

Yin and Yang Seek Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Differences

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Brussels–Yin and Yang, one of the world’s most beloved and recognizable couples, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split.

“It happens,” said the dark-haired Ms. Yin. “After thousands of … Read on

Culture

How to Tell You Were Masturbating to Bad Porn

T.J. Eckleburg 350 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Jesus once said, “The porn you will always have with you.” He was right. In fact, porn is multiplying faster than the loaves and fishes. Last year more than 5.5 billion hours of … Read on

Weed

High Times Declares Five Strains of Cannabis Extinct

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NEW YORK—High Times magazine estimates that 98 percent of all marijuana strains ever created have gone extinct, and more strains face the danger of extinction each day. Bedhead OG? Available in the northernmost parts … Read on

Culture

Top Ten Things That Will Fall Now That Roe Has Fallen

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The overthrow of Roe v. Wade, according to many in the chatterverse, signaled a trampling of all that’s good and holy that will make Sherman’s March to the Sea look like a highway adoption program.… Read on

Culture

Thoughts on First Visiting Wellsboro Cemetery

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The boast of heraldry, the pomp of pow’r,
And all that beauty, all that wealth e’er gave,
Awaits alike th’ inevitable hour.
The paths of glory lead but to the … Read on

News

PETA Warns Against Having Sex in Front of Your Pets

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Mommy, why is Daddy’s pee-pee in your mouth?

HAMPTON ROADS, VA—People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ (PETA) latest campaign is likely to be its most controversial. The veteran animal rights crusaders plan a “full-on … Read on

Culture

Wal-Mart Employees Embarrassed by Stock Decline

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MORGANTOWN, Penna. – The recent decline in the value of Wal-Mart stock has decimated company morale, threatened the social fabric of many small communities, and led thousands of Wal-Mart employees to seek other career opportunities. … Read on

Culture

Parental Controls Fail: Porn, Stupid TV, Cooking Shows Still Dominate

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WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Despite their widespread use, parental controls have been a disappointment as a means of empowering children to control their parents’ Internet and television viewing. According to Victoria Dumars, a spokeswoman for … Read on