Postal Service Marks Rate Hike with R. Kelly Stamp

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Postal Service marked the latest increase in the price of a first-class stamp (from 37 to 39 cents for the first ounce) by releasing the R. Kelly comemorative issue. The release date, January 8, is timed to coincide with Mr. Kelly’s thirty-ninth birthday.

“We thought the synchronicity of Mr. Kelly turing thirty-nine on the day we jacked the price of a first class stamp up to 39 cents was a marketing natural,” said U.S. Postmaster General John Potter.

Potter also noted that the R. Kelly commemorative stamp is the first in the postal service’s “Stamps of the Stars” campaign, which is designed to exploit a celebrity-hungry public’s appetite for anything collectible.

Although Mr. Kelly is currently facing trial on umpteen child pornography charges for allegedly taping himself while having sex with a fourteen-year-old girl, he promised to attend the postal service’s introduction ceremonies today.

“I wouldn’t miss it for all the little ho’s in Detroit,” said Mr. Kelly. “I think this is a great country when you can still mail one of your homies an ounce for thirty-nine cent.”

Mr. Kelly did express some dismay, however, upon learning that the postal service did not permit the mailing of liquids.

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