(Special to the Pug Bus from Chip Hilton)
WASHINGTON, DC—Although he is preoccupied with the impeachment hearings, President Trump made time to tweet his support for National Pig Latin Day early this morning.
“Ationalnay Igpay Atinlay Ayday. Ethay ortsay ofyay observationyay atthay unitesyay atherray anthay ividesday Americansyay. Onay akefay ewsnay erehay.”*
“If the boss liked the National Pig Latin Day idea, he’s sure to like some of the other national days we plan on celebrating,” laughed Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs of Postcards from the Pug Bus and founder of the What the Hell Day It Is national calendar.
Mr. Maggitti then explained that he got the idea for a national day calendar after reading “some of the lame bullshit that gets celebrated on its very own precious day on other such calendars.” In this month alone, he said, “America has paused to celebrate National Family PJ Day, National Spicy Hermit Cookie Day, and National Play Monopoly Day. Gives me a chubby at the thought of observing National Cranberry Relish Day (11/22) and National Mason Jar Day (11/30). Thank god for thirty-day months, eh?”
In his neverending devotion to the crude and the obscure, Mr. Maggitti said he “plans to lift the rock off persons, places, things, ideas, or felonies that twist the knickers of all the nine-to-fivers and social media scolds in this country. We’ll be celebrating taints, loogies, lighting farts, mass murderers, and just about anything that earns a trigger warning somewhere.”
*In case you’re interested, here’s what the president said above: “National Pig Latin Day. The sort of observation that unites rather than divides Americans. No fake news here.”
This translation was derived using The Client-Side Pig Latin Translator, which explains Pig Latin in two simple rules:
1. If a word begins with a consonant, move the first consonant or group of consonants to the end of the word and add “ay.” For example, “dusty” becomes “usty-day” and “choice” becomes “oice-chay.”
2. If a word begins with a vowel, leave it there and just add “yay,” “hay,” “way,” or “ay” to the end of the word, depending on your regional dialect.
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