Wednesday, April 24, 2024
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Rudy Giuliani Tops Wikipedia Self-Serving Edits

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NEW YORK – Computers at the campaign headquarters of Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani were used to make fifteen changes to Mr. Giuliani’s Wikipedia page last week, earning America’s Mayor the Virgil Griffith award for the period ending August 18.

This soon-to-be-notorious award is named after Virgil Griffith, the CalTech graduate student who created Wikiscanner, a program that tracks the sources of edits made to Wikipedia pages.

Runners up for the Virgil Griffith award were Michael Vick, eleven changes, Karl Rove, nine, and Hillary Clinton, eight favorable amendments.

The alterations to Mr. Giuliani’s Wikipedia page included upgrading his high school class ranking from 299 to 130 out of 378, revising his combined SAT score from 931 to 1,073, reducing the number of draft deferments he received during the Vietnam conflict from six to three, and deleting the account of his father’s raping three prison guards and the warden’s dog while doing time at Sing Sing.

A spokesman at Giuliani headquarters denied that “anybody from these offices” had made the Wikipedia changes, while saying it was “about time misinformation about this country’s next president was corrected.”

The spokesman also claimed that Wikiscanner “had to have screwed the pooch” when it identified computers at Giuliani headquarters as the source of changes made to the pages of Hillary “Rug Muncher” Clinton, Mitt “Big Love” Romney, John “Flashback” McCain, and Barack “Saddam Hussein” Obama.

 Mr. Griffith defended Wikiscanner’s findings, however, and said he still plans to send Mr. Giuliani the Lee Atwater award for last week.

Although persons with political connections were most active in micromanaging their Wikipedia pages, the entertainment industry was also the source of several interesting edits.

The Tom Cruise page, which formerly listed his height at 5’6″ now reports that he is 5’10” tall; the RIAA (Radio Industry Association of America) page no longer contains accounts of its lawsuits against dead persons, old people in assisted living facilities, and the unborn; the Nicole Richie page lists her weight at 110 pounds; and the Britney Spears page contains no references to rehab centers, saying instead that Ms. Spears spent time in several “spas” at the beginning of this year

Correction: the caption beneath the August 17 photo of Jenna Bush removing her panties at a public beach misidentified the tattoo covering her netherworld as the presidential seal. The tattoo is actually the St. Pauli Girl logo.    

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