Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Still Undecided on Wedding Date

an image

LOS ANGELES – An anonymous source at Cruise/Wagner Productions reports that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may be close to settling on a tentative wedding date, perhaps as early as this month, perhaps not. The source also revealed that the couple will most likely marry in Europe or North America, or possibly Africa.

Juicy details, top-secret guest lists, and provocative stories involving Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, David Beckham, and David Hasselhoff (though perhaps unrelated to the wedding) continue to tantalize celebrity watchers scrutinizing every detail of this year’s—or perhaps next year’s—biggest celebrity event, barring a sudden change of heart by Angelina Jolie.

The more jaded members of the Hollywood press corps roll their eyes at any mention of the wedding, but several were visibly shocked by the announcement that Cruise and Holmes have not only settled on a prenuptial agreement but also have agreed on a format for postnuptial divorce proceedings should the marriage, potentially, not work out.

Though Mr.Cruise and Ms. Holmes have virtually consummated their affection for each other often and in a wide variety of media settings, sources close to both suggest that Mr. Cruise wants to be sure marital strife doesn’t affect his powerful box-office draw. Both prenuptial and postnuptial details are said to include the agreement that if Ms. Holmes is to display her breasts, as she did in The Gift, the movie must be “of a serious and impeccably artistic nature” and all nudity must be “approved by a representative of Cruise/Wagner Productions to ensure the scene is not in any way gratuitous or libelous or damaging to the integrity of Mr. Cruise.”

In the meantime, TomKat are said to be concentrating on a tasteful promotion campaign for the DVD release of Mission Impossible: 3. The couple is also weighing a hefty offer from Vanity Fair for the rights to their wedding photos.    

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.