Tuesday, April 23, 2024
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WikiLeaks Reveals Identity of Time’s Person of the Year

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NEW YORK—Fresh off its revelation of the Democrats’ blueprint for attacking Jeff Sessions—Donald Trump’s choice for attorney general—WikiLeaks revealed this morning the identity of Time magazine’s person of the year for 2016: The White Half of Barack Obama.

“If there truly is a forgotten man in America today, the white half of Barack Obama is it,” writes Time in the recently leaked article.

“For eight years—as the president has courted favor with special interest groups, many of whom have a non-white agenda—the white half of the president has remained silent. Here at Time we realize that diversity includes persons of white™ as well as persons of color. Thus we feel it is important for the white half of the president to be given the platform and the recognition it has so far been denied.”

Time has refused to comment on the WikiLeaks revelation, but according to an inside source at the magazine, the cover story will include the first and perhaps the last interview with the president’s white half, who still prefers to be known as Barry. That’s the name “Barack” went by in high school “before he shut me out of his life.”

Editor’s note: the Pug Bus will carry the full transcript of Time’s interview with the president’s white half in Thursday’s issue.

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