March, 2007 - postcards from the pug bus

Pornography Merchants Hail Internet Smut Ruling

philmaggitti 164 Views 2 min read

CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – Adult Internet content, which includes but is not limited to bumping uglies in pairs and in groups, bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, and the Bush twins’ webcam, will not get its own dot-xxx … Read on

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Vows to Stay the Course

Chip Hilton 159 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, like her favorite president, George W. Bush, is determined to stay the course. Although Britney Spears has moved on from flashing her bunny to attending church with a posse of … Read on

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Reaches Milestone

philmaggitti 159 Views 1 min read

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona – Angelina Jolie is a long way from breaking Mia Farrow’s parenting record—four biological and ten or eleven adopted kids—but the Tomb Raider star takes a back seat to nobody when it comes … Read on

News

Hillary Clinton Benefits from Selfless Vilsack Move

Biff Scuzzy 176 Views 2 min read

DES MOINES, Iowa – Hillary Clinton will reap the benefit of “a selfless political decision” by her one time presidential rival, former two-term Iowa governor Thomas Vilsack.

Governor Vilsack, 56, demonstrated “statesmanlike vision” by dropping … Read on

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Spree Inspires New SAT Questions

philmaggitti 204 Views 3 min read

PRINCETON, N.J. – Angelina Jolie’s mad-brained adoption behavior has inspired the Educational Testing Service (ETS) in Princeton, New Jersey, to add several new questions to the mathematics portion of its venerable Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT).… Read on

News

John Edwards in Danger of Losing Sympathy Vote

philmaggitti 183 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – John Edwards may have squandered the sympathy vote already with his remarks during a 60 Minutes interview with Katie Couric, which was taped Saturday in Las Vegas and aired last night.

Prior … Read on

Weed

Bong Hits 4 Jesus Rallies Planned

Biff Scuzzy 201 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A nationwide series of Bong Hits 4 Jesus rallies, sponsored by the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), kicks off at 4:20 p.m. this Saturday in Boston, New York … Read on

Sporting Life

LSU’s Pokey Chatman Remembered as Hands-on Coach

philmaggitti 183 Views 2 min read

BATON ROUGE, La. – Recently resigned LSU women’s basketball coach Dana “Pokey” Chatman, 37, will be remembered as a hands-on coach, said a trio of former players.

“She worked her fingers to the bone, and … Read on

Music

Brad Delp Memorialized by Burger King

Biff Scuzzy 170 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Former Boston singer Brad Delp will be honored by the Burger King corporation, a company spokesman said yesterday. Bill Pitt, regional manager for Burger King’s New England stores, said the company made … Read on

Religion

Sarah Silverman Snub Has God Lovers Fuming

philmaggitti 180 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Sarah Silverman has had her last orgasm if God’s followers have anything to say about it. Friends of the Big Guy are praying that Ms. Silverman’s morning-after kiss off, seen last week … Read on

Celebrities

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Adoption Request Denied

philmaggitti 178 Views 2 min read

NEW ORLEANS – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have failed in their latest attempt to add to their rainbow family. The actor-activist couple learned yesterday that a New Orleans animal shelter had denied their request … Read on

Celebrities

Paul McCartney Breaks Silence about Heather Mills

Chip Hilton 173 Views 2 min read

LONDON – A bitter Paul McCartney has finally taken the rag out of his mouth, ending a self-imposed gag order regarding his estranged wife, Heather Mills. During the weekend, the former cute Beatle spoke with … Read on

Celebrities

Britney Spears Is the Antichrist, Says Noted Exorcist

Biff Scuzzy 161 Views 3 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears’ claim to be the Antichrist should not be taken lightly, says James J. LeBar, chief exorcist for the Archdiocese of New York. Father LeBar, a veteran of more than forty exorcisms, … Read on

Celebrities

Britney Spears Returning to Kabbalah

Biff Scuzzy 171 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears wants to return to the practice of Kabbalah. During an intense week in rehab at Promises-by-
the-Sea Tranquility Centre, Ms. Spears tumbled to the conclusion that her life began to unravel … Read on

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Funeral Will Be Televised on C-SPAN2

Chip Hilton 178 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – The much-delayed funeral of Anna Nicole Smith will be televised live on C-SPAN2 tomorrow. Scheduled programs, beginning with “Press Freedoms in the Former Soviet Republic” at 7:00 a.m., will be preempted in order … Read on