December, 2007 - postcards from the pug bus

Jamie Lynn Spears Home Pregnancy Test on eBay

Chip Hilton 169 Views 2 min read

BUMFUCH, La. – The Jamie Lynn Spears’ home pregnancy test that was run up the eBay flagpole on Wednesday might be run back down before it’s had a chance to spread its wings.

Listed on … Read on

Celebrities

Jamie Lynn Spears Gets Pregnant as Surrogate for Britney

Chip Hilton 183 Views 2 min read

BUMFUCH, La. – Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, is knocked up higher than her no-account big sister on a three-day, Little Debbies-and-Red Bull binge; yet no one in the Spears family acts as if there’s anything … Read on

Ass Hats

Michael Vick Homies Win Ass Hat of the Moment Award

philmaggitti 187 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – While Michael Vick sits in jail trying to master the intricacies of checkers and the ins and outs of prison dating etiquette, he will … Read on

Celebrities

Britney Spears Hires Illegal Alien Frappuccino Caddy

Chip Hilton 175 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears has hired a full-time Frappuccino caddy in an effort to convince California child welfare authorities that she is serious about regaining custody of her sons, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, … Read on

News

Porsche Denies Plans to Release Nikki Catsouras Model

Biff Scuzzy 167 Views 2 min read

ATLANTA – A spokesman for Porsche Cars North America denies that his company has “any plans whatsoever” to introduce a limited edition Nikki Catsouras 911 Carrera model.

“This [rumor] is vile and detestable,” said Dieter … Read on

Culture

Hillary Clinton Launches Cosmetics Line in Effort to Save Campaign

philmaggitti 170 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Hillary Clinton has elected to move up the debut of her cosmetics line in hopes of gaining separation from presidential rivals Barack Obama and John Edwards in time for the Iowa and … Read on

Music

RIAA Wants Record Labels to Limit Home CD Use

philmaggitti 194 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as “the single greatest secret threat” to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that … Read on

Technology

Angelina Jolie Computer Virus Poised to Strike

philmaggitti 182 Views 3 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – The Angelina Jolie virus, a new and potentially smothering computer virus, is set to strike computers around the world on Friday. Popularly known as the Black Mother Widow (BMW) virus, this dangerous … Read on

Celebrities

Britney Spears Joins Drunks Against Mad Mothers Group

Chip Hilton 159 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – After attending several meetings of DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers), Britney Spears has decided to join the group, a former assistant revealed.

In an exclusive, off-the-record conversation with THEM Weekly, the one-time … Read on

Celebrities

Britney Spears Pregnant Again, May Lose Custody of Vagina

Chip Hilton 177 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears is pregnant again, and the troubled singer is terrified she might lose custody of her vagina as a result. A source close to Ms. Spears, who turns twenty-six today, told … Read on