September 2015 – postcards from the pug bus

All-White Diversity Philly Magazine Cover: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 212 Views 1 min read

PHILADELPHIA—What do you get when a magazine runs a cover story about diversity in Philadelphia’s public schools and the photo of cherubic elementary school kids on the cover includes nary a brown, black, beige, tan, … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Gets All Up in Thug Kitchen’s Ass

philmaggitti 218 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Today, boys and girls, we are going to depart from our usual custom of calling out the shitwads who ignore conventional norms of usage. No brickbats for the boneheads who confuse adoptive and … Read on

You Can't PhotoShop This

Pope Gets His Ass Grabbed: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 189 Views 1 min read

What sack! What glorious, unalloyed sack! Pope don’t support gay marriage? Pope thinks guy-on-guy reach-arounds are a sin? Gay dude gets cheeky with Da Pontiff’s right cheek.

Considering the pope’s eighteenth-century views on women, it’s … Read on

Horoscopes

This Is Your Horoscope on Mushrooms for 9/21/15

philmaggitti 215 Views 6 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna.—Born today you share a birthday and certain disquieting tendencies with author Stephen King, 68, actor Luke Wilson, 44, and former celebrity Nicole Richie, 34. Perhaps you are also the same height as … Read on

Music

Roger Daltrey’s Hair Forces Cancellation of Who Tour

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LONDON—Complications surrounding singer Roger Daltrey’s hair have forced The Who to postpone a North American tour that had been scheduled to begin on September 24 in Portland, Oregon. According to a press release issued by … Read on

Ass Hats

DeGeneres Wins Asshat Award Again

philmaggitti 231 Views 4 min read

LOS ANGELES-Ellen DeGeneres, with a face only a lesbian could love, has planted that face, and the head to which it is attached, firmly up her ass again. Miss DeGeneres, a putative vegan, … Read on

You Can't PhotoShop This

Black Lives Matter: You Can’t Photoshop This

Biff Scuzzy 211 Views 1 min read

WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–Members of Fuk Yo Flag, a wholly owned subsidiary of Black Lives Matter, have taken to videos and blog posts to “suggest” acts of violence and thuggery on September 11.

After posting … Read on

Technology

Apple To Reveal Shocker at Annual Event

Biff Scuzzy 225 Views 1 min read

SAN FRANCISCO, Ca.–As the tech world holds its breath waiting for Apple’s Christmas-in-September party today, rumors are swirling that the Cupertino giant has a major surprise up its sleeve—or up its ass, to be more … Read on