August, 2019 - postcards from the pug bus

President Trump Vows to Make GPS Great Again

Biff Scuzzy 204 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump announced this morning that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorism and the … Read on

Book of Daze

National Just Because Day

philmaggitti 167 Views 1 min read

Today is National Just Because Day, an opportunity “to do something without rhyme or reason,” according to the folks at National Day Calendar, who suggest we celebrate by getting that outfit we’ve been admiring at … Read on

Blog

Don’t Call Me a White Person Anymore

philmaggitti 192 Views 2 min read

Recently I was informed by the entrail readers at 23&Me that I am 1/500 sub-Saharan African or any other non-white subgroup. I was delighted by this revelation. In one small but insignificant stroke my street … Read on

Horoscopes

Ganjascope℠ Got Weed? Get Scoped

philmaggitti 293 Views 4 min read

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): Sagittarians are ever the cynics. Always willing to believe it isn’t butter; that some people’s minds wouldn’t be a terrible thing to waste; and that maybe you don’t deserve a break … Read on

Innerviews

Conversation with Man Whose Shit Doesn’t Stink

philmaggitti 201 Views 5 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A twenty-five-year-old local man whose shit literally does not stink blames his rare condition for ruining his life. The unfortunate man—whom we will call “Helado,” the Spanish word for “ice cream”—told … Read on

Religion

What to Do When She Screams for God During Sex

philmaggitti 177 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER,Pa.—Atheism is the quickest-growing non-religion in the United States. To celebrate this encouraging development, we introduced recently an occasional series of articles by, for, and about atheists. We began with “Ask Nietzsche, Advice for … Read on

Culture

High Times Touts CBD-Infused Maxi Pads

Biff Scuzzy 172 Views 1 min read

In its September issue, which has been out since mid-June, High Times magazine ran sponsored content pimping CBD oil as a cure for menstrual distress. We generally don’t put much stock in sponsored content or … Read on

News

Discordian Convention Coming to West Chester, PA

philmaggitti 185 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER,PA–Once known as The Athens of the East, this leafy college borough is bidding fair to become San Francisco East. Step one was the recent passage of a legally questionable ban on plastic bags. … Read on

Horoscopes

The Pug Bus Presents Your 420 Gangascope℠

philmaggitti 297 Views 4 min read

Aries (3/21 – 4/19): Someone sitting next to you at a concert will execute the puff-puff-pass maneuver; then he’ll ask you if you can change a twenty. This is a trick question. Don’t rifle through … Read on

Saints Alive

OMG There’s a Patron Saint of Shorthand ISYN

philmaggitti 197 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–If you’re STD (sick to death) of people who splatter their “writing” with SFS (stupid fucking shorthand), you can thank Saint Cassian of Imola, the OPS (official patron saint) of shorthand.

Cassian, who … Read on

Blog

The Kids Are All Right

philmaggitti 172 Views 2 min read

I have nothing against children. Indeed, I think qualified persons should own a few. Children are often cute, sometimes amusing, and if we’re lucky, they grow into human beings instead of liberals. What does fry … Read on