April, 2022 - postcards from the pug bus

Parental Controls Fail: Porn, Stupid TV, Cooking Shows Still Dominate

philmaggitti 412 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Despite their widespread use, parental controls have been a disappointment as a means of empowering children to control their parents’ Internet and television viewing. According to Victoria Dumars, a spokeswoman for … Read on

Religion

Did God Write Other Books Besides The Bible?

philmaggitti 284 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Like J.K. Rowling, who has not stopped writing since finishing the Harry Potter series, God may not have stopped writing after finishing The Bible, say some Christian scholars. Indeed, they argue, it … Read on

Culture

CDCP Issues Rare Purple Alert Regarding Naked Yoga Breast Feeding

Chip Hilton 239 Views 3 min read

ATLANTA, Ga.–The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDCP) has issued a purple alert, its highest consumer warning, over the spread of naked yoga breast feeding (NYBF). The practice, which first appeared two years ago … Read on

You Can't PhotoShop This

A Barrel of Laughs at the Gastroenterology Office: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 220 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—When was the last time you had a good laugh in the gastroenterology office? A really good laugh, not some tight-ass snortle, but a full-on, stuff-coming-out-your-nose production? I didn’t think so. There’s more … Read on

Culture

5 Easy Hacks for Improving Your Karma This Summer

philmaggitti 201 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Contrary to popular opinion–and to the creators of My Name Is Earl–karma is not about payback, nor is it about living right so you don’t come back as a port-o-potty … Read on

Technology

New Study Suggests: Obesity Is Weighing Down the Human Soul

philmaggitti 247 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa–A new study published in Applied Psychological Measurement suggests that the obesity epidemic has begun to make quantifiable inroads on the human soul. The study, conducted by a team of researchers from … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Dares You to Take This Pronoun Test

philmaggitti 202 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – This morning I read the following sentence on a blog: “Anyone who thinks that having a child will improve their marriage has it all wrong.” Now I ask you, fellow English … Read on

News

Consumer Reports Issues First Rating of Patron Saints

philmaggitti 217 Views 3 min read

Tell us where it hurts you, and we’ll dial up a saint for that.

YONKERS, N.Y.-–The June digital issue of Consumer Reports magazine will contain the venerable product tester’s first-ever rating of patron saints. The … Read on

News

Prostate Cancer Seen As Major Cause of Prostate Cancer Deaths

Biff Scuzzy 214 Views 2 min read

LONDON – A study has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion was reached … Read on

News

Postcards from the Pug Bus Declares Itself a Sanctuary Website

philmaggitti 219 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—I am proud to announce this morning that Postcards from the Pug Bus, the alt-right’s favorite satire site, is an official sanctuary website. As long as bat-shit-crazy college professors inflict their political views … Read on

Culture

Local Man Prefers Sex with Plants

Chip Hilton 201 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Roger Stamen is not shy about declaring his preference in sexual partners. “Plants get me off,” says Mr. Stamen, a self-employed landscape gardener. “They always have, ever since I was a kid. When … Read on

Book of Daze

National Screw the Pooch Day, Why Dogs Despise It℠

philmaggitti 287 Views 1 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–”Screw the pooch”—short for “fuck the dog”— is an expression made popular in Tom Wolfe’s 1979 book about the Mercury space program, The Right Stuff. To screw the pooch is to … Read on