“We’re encouraging customers to put their money where their mouths are,” said a Walmart executive in a muffled voice. “We’re betting CBD will succeed where mocha latte, pumpkin spice, and smoked salmon flavors failed to float Gen Z boats, as did a Megan Rapinoe model shaped like a soccer ball.”
Barack Obama, former Choom Gang member, told ESPN’s Michael Wilbon that he wishes his daughters had his street cred. “They don’t hoop any more, they’ve got no roll in their stroll. Hell, they were into the Jonas Freaking Brothers. Some days I worry that they take after my white half.”
“Bless me father for I have sinned.” “And who hasn’t?” “It’s been four months since my last confession.” “Did you break a leg?” “Uh, no father …” “Is this going to take long?” “Well …” “Look, whatever you’ve done, I’ve heard it all. Your sins are forgiven. Now get lost.”