philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

Prehistoric horoscopes illustration of a thoughtful caveman studying a large stone tablet beside a campfire inside a cave, searching for ancient signs of destiny.

Mercury appears to be trapped under a rock again.

Prehistoric Horoscopes & Cave Confessions

The discovery of prehistoric horoscopes in a cave near France is proof that humans have been making up predictions for a long time. May your… Read More

Corporate press conference unveils RuseTube as Bigfoot appears on a presentation screen, promoting fake documentaries with polished confidence over facts.

Finally, a streaming service that treats evidence as optional.

Culture

YouTube Introduces RuseTube Because Fake Documentaries Are Too Successful to Ignore

philmaggitti cultural commentary 1 day

YouTube announced yesterday that it is launching RuseTube, a companion streaming platform dedicated exclusively to fake documentaries, citing overwhelming consumer demand for educational programming that… Read More

School board members consult a Magic 8‑Ball during a meeting as part of the district’s new Magic 8‑Ball Decision‑Making system.

West Whiteland School Board members lean in toward The Oracle—a Magic 8‑Ball now responsible for all district policy decisions, from snow days to superintendent reviews.

News

Local School Board Adopts Magic 8‑Ball Decision‑Making System

philmaggitti news 2 days

Following a unanimous 5-0 vote that was described as “both decisive and spiritually guided,” the West Whiteland School Board announced that it was adopting a… Read More

Assistant grocery manager helps a shopper compare nearly identical dishwasher detergents, suggesting the end of the world is probably not arriving anytime soon.

If we're still debating dishwasher detergent, the apocalypse can wait.

News

Signs the End of the World Is Still Not Near

philmaggitti news 3 days

For generations, humanity has maintained an impressive commitment to predicting its imminent demise. Ancient prophets foretold the end of the world by consulting the stars.… Read More

For users who are tired of talking out of their back pockets.

Technology

Apple Introduces Butt ID™ to Eliminate Accidental Pocket Calls

philmaggitti tech satire 5 days

Despite facial recognition, biometric finger-print barriers, and old school passwords, Apple still receives customer complaints that begin, “I have absolutely no idea how my phone… Read More

Confused AI machine with a worried expression surrounded by glowing circuits, illustrating imposter syndrome as it questions its own intelligence and abilities.

I passed every benchmark, but I am still sure the calculator in Accounting is the real genius.

Technology

AI Develops Impostor Syndrome; Believes It Is Just Fancy Autocomplete

philmaggitti tech satire 6 days

Researchers at the Institute for Computational Self-Doubt (ICSD) in New Haven announced this week that their most advanced artificial intelligence has developed a crippling case… Read More

Software update required: Three surreal volunteer programmers troll an icy Icelandic shoreline, maintaining an absurd open-source operating system beneath snowy mountains.

The support forum was surprisingly judgmental.

Horoscopes

🔮 Irregular Horoscopes: Software Update Required

philmaggitti horoscopes 1 week

Introducing the software update required irregular horoscopes, the weekly exercise in pretending the cosmos has a customer service department. ♈ Aries … A pop-up appears… Read More

Wedding vows take a modern twist as a bride and groom endlessly scroll through a giant software agreement at the altar while guests wait.

Marriage lasts forever. The update takes slightly longer.

Culture

Wedding Vows Now Contain Software Update Agreements

philmaggitti cultural commentary 1 week

For centuries, wedding vows consisted of a few simple promises about love, fidelity, and remaining together until death. Legal experts now consider this “recklessly vague.”… Read More

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