philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

NBA Playoff Predictions: Nikola Jokic as a bored emperor on a folding chair, calmly ruling the court while chaos unfolds around him in surreal fashion.

The emperor will not rise. You are already down 12.

NBA Playoff Predictions 2026

Presenting The Pug Bus’ 2026 NBA Playoff Predictions 2026, First Round. Forget March Madness, the NBA playoffs are where the real professionals play, even the… Read More

waiter pours water from a cloth-wrapped bottle in upscale restaurant, illustrating how restaurants identify target customers through subtle service cues.

Your water has a backstory, a birthplace, and unresolved tension with limestone.

food

How Restaurants Identify Target Customers

philmaggitti food 2 days

There is a moment, just after seating you, when a restaurant decides whether you are part of its intended ecosystem or an invasive species with… Read More

Illustration for a story on AI toilet cams that monitor health. Features graphs for hydration and PH balance..

If your mother will not tell you that your hydration levels are a failure, these high-definition toilet cams certainly will.

Technology

America Seeks Better Health Awareness by Installing Toilet Cams

philmaggitti tech satire 3 days

A new wave of AI-powered toilet cams promises to analyze Americans at their most vulnerable, reflective, and nutritionally candid moments. According to a Consumer Reports… Read More

Zine art shows drive-thru restaurant precautions: a counter fight, pink gun firing, and a man weeping over a cold burger. Captures wait times and regret.

a soggy, bullet-riddled burger that still lacks the requested extra pickles.

food

How to Avoid Getting Shot at 1 a.m.–Drive-Thru Restaurant Precautions

philmaggitti food 4 days

The modern drive-thru is a miracle of efficiency: calories delivered at speeds that once belonged only to aviation. It is also, at times, a MMA… Read More

Overhead view of scrambled egg technique result: soft golden curds on white plate, copper pan, linen napkin, silver fork, rustic wood surface.

Yes, those are the correct curds. You're welcome.

food

A Meditation on Scrambled Egg Technique for the Serious Home Cook

philmaggitti food 5 days

Before we discuss scrambled egg technique, we must discuss the egg awaiting in its carton—ideally a hand-lettered kraft paper carton from a small-batch producer in… Read More

Split figure at table, one side animated and warm, the other calm and cool, with two coffee cups, reflecting anti-hero duality and conflicting perspectives.

Two positions held simultaneously. Neither entirely accurate.

Horoscopes

Anti-Hero and Your Zodiac Resumes

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 days

The details of the average person’s life are an affront to the universe. No wonder so many horoscopes contain dour Anti-hero predictions. To improve those… Read More

Arthur Plumm flees teens in Des Moines as his new phone smell fragrance emits 5G signals. A satirical take on tech-scent obsession from the archives of Pug Bus.

"Eau de Upgrade" provides five bars of signal and zero peace of mind.

Technology

New Phone Smell Now Available in Spray Bottle

philmaggitti tech satire 7 days

BELLEVUE, WA — T-Mobile has officially introduced Eau de Upgrade, a fragrance designed to mimic the intoxicating aroma of a new phone smell. The scent,… Read More

A lavish charcuterie board displays cured meats, artisan cheeses, honeycomb, cornichons, figs, grapes, olives, and crackers by candlelight.

The honeycomb cost eleven dollars and will be largely ignored.

food

What Your Charcuterie Board Is Missing

philmaggitti food 1 week

A charcuterie board is a personality assessment delivered horizontally, communicating in the universal language of cured meats and their concomitants that its architect has taste,… Read More

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