Delta‑8 THC, the notorious loophole scam of the hemp world, died a bureaucratic death at the hands of Congress in November 2025. Born of the 2018 Farm Bill’s careless wording, Delta‑8 lived a brief but scandalous life, thriving in vape shops, truck stops, gas stations, and boutique hemp stores across… Read More
The future has arrived, and it appears to be powered not by inspiration but by code snippets written by caffeinated interns who once dreamed of garage bands and now troubleshoot neural networks that feel emotion only when the server overheats. Synthetic music created by artificial intelligence has officially conquered the… Read More
Dear Nietzsche, I keep buying planners, habit trackers, and “rise and grind” journals in the hope of coping with reality, but I still procrastinate. Am I broken?Dear Time-Management Marionette,You are not broken, you are awake. Procrastination is the final stand of the soul against the tyranny of motivational stationery. Throw… Read More
When America ran out of unclaimed asphalt, the race to adopt highways became a corporate Hunger Games of virtue signaling. With every stretch of interstate already spoken for, woke conglomerates turned to ideological branding—slapping DEI slogans on mile markers like bumper stickers on a Prius. From “Pronoun Lane Ahead” to… Read More
The cosmos has handed the entire zodiac playlist to Taylor Swift as if the universe has decided that fate should be delivered by a woman who weaponizes diary entries better than most nations weaponize drones. The stars insist this is a “strategic partnership.” We insist they have lost their minds.… Read More
The connoisseur of bargain bin vintages must steel himself for a journey into the underbelly of viniculture, where price tags whisper of austerity and flavors scream of catastrophe. To sip bargain wines priced at $4.99 or less is to embrace a parody of refinement, a carnival of aromas that no… Read More
We gather to celebrate disappearing act day, the yearly ritual of slipping sideways into the folds of unreality. The reasons for staging your own disappearance are many. One is the joy of baffling the audience, leaving them gasping at the empty stage while you sip tea unobserved in the wings.… Read More
The stars have gathered in a defensive crouch. They whisper that Preparation Day arrives like a government audit crossed with an existential exit interview. You thought you were ready. You were not. The skies now assign each sign its individual ordeal, complete with dire portents, awkward instructions, and a strong… Read More
Veterinary science insists there is “no definitive explanation” for “Why Does My Dog Hang His Head Out the Car Window?” That is the polite scientific way of saying, “We gave up.” In truth, the behavior springs from five profound canine impulses, each more complex than anything humans have felt since… Read More
As football bowl season approaches, our nation braces for its annual descent into sequined delirium and bowl games parade grand marshals madness. Before prop bets begin with the pre-game coin toss, there is the sacred rite of the parade spectacle, where floats bloom like polyester tumors and grand marshals wave… Read More
The stars have dropped the mic. The planets have gathered up their swag. The cosmic curtain is closing. This is the final act: The Annual Horoscope Going Out of Business Sale. From Aries tantrums to Pisces tears, from Leo roars to Virgo spreadsheets, we have seen it all. We have… Read More
Tipping can be traced to 1643, when a rogue baron named Thistlewick von Gratuity attempted to bribe a tavern ghost into ceasing its nightly rearrangement of his cutlery. Thus were the rules of tipping born. The ghost, unimpressed by threats or flattery, demanded coin offerings placed beneath the baron’s soup… Read More
🍷 Aries … Your confidence is intoxicating, but so is your blood alcohol level. Do not text your boss or your ex tonight, especially if they are the same person. The stars advise hydrating, confessing nothing, and blaming Mercury for everything. 🍹 Taurus … You are the designated driver of… Read More
Pushing the envelope is as American as baseball, hot dogs, deep-fried Oreos, and elective surgery. It is also not for amateurs. The envelope, it is our duty to tell you, was never meant to be pushed. It was meant to contain things—bills, bad news, wedding invitations, political come-ons, or, occasionally,… Read More
Next to accounts of hideous murders and gruesome influencers’ deaths, clips about reading canine behavior are the most frequently seen on YouTube. Invariably they are designed to reveal “the hidden meanings” behind dog behaviors. Invariably they are wrong, as the following examples demonstrate. Reading Canine Behavior in Easy Steps Begin… Read More
