Uncategorized Archives - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Salad dressing on the side or on the top?

Marlowe Brint, artisnal jewelry designer

Reportedly outside Santa Fe, NM

On the side, obviously. A salad should retain the illusion of free will until the very last moment. Once dressed, it has chosen a direction and can never go back.

Evelyn Voss, lobster fisher person

May once have lived in Bangor, ME

I prefer it on top, but only in a thin ceremonial line, as priests once applied oils to objects they feared and respected. A salad without dressing is just yard work in a bowl.

Clyde Ketter, attack dog trainer

Unverified, but emphatically from Akron, OH

Neither. The correct approach is to keep the dressing nearby in a separate vessel and let the salad absorb its presence psychologically. That is how my father did it, and his lettuce feared him.

Horoscopes satire cartoon of a person opening a locked box labeled ‘Definitely Not Your Fault,’ revealing a fog machine spewing mist in a cloud of absurdity."

You find a locked box. Inside is a fog machine—perfect for when you need to gaslight yourself.

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Young at Heart Horoscopes, 09/09

philmaggitti 7 months

â™ˆ AriesA red cube appears in your inbox. It hums. You click it. Your browser becomes sentient and challenges you to a duel. Mars is… Read More

"I told my mailbox a joke, but it didn’t laugh. It’s more of a dead-letter office."

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The Red Mailbox

philmaggitti 10 months

Every afternoon Harold walks to the faded red mailbox. Twenty years ago, he carried a letter to it, an apology, a confession. He didn’t mail… Read More

cartoon that shows a computer under water with the latin gibberish lorenem isum above it

"If Latin is a dead language, this must be where it died."

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The Shocking Meaning of the Lorem ipsum Website Filler

philmaggitti 1 year

Lorem ipsum dolor scit clickbait, influencers bite. Sponsored dreams go tempor viral, ut cringe magna. Algorithms fiat enforce likes, sed memes overflow. Hashtag utopia, dopamine… Read More

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This Is Your Horoscope on Mushrooms for 9/21/15

philmaggitti 11 years

Born today you share a birthday and certain disquieting tendencies with author Stephen King, 68, actor Luke Wilson, 44, and former celebrity Nicole Richie, 34.… Read More

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Paul McCartney When I’m Sixty-Four Horoscope

philmaggitti 20 years

LONDON – (Editor’s Note) After waiting nearly four decades, Paul McCartney has learned to his dismay that the answers to the questions he posed when… Read More

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Mariah Carey Birthday Horoscope

philmaggitti 20 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Born today you share a birthday with Mariah Carey, 36, but don’t tell Ms. Carey; she’s not good at sharing. In… Read More

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Paris Hilton Birthday Horoscope

philmaggitti Paris Hilton 20 years

Paris Hilton celebrates her 25th birthday today. Her party was spoiled by an incident in London that eerily predicted the following horoscope from Pugnacious. “You… Read More

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Kate Moss Birthday Horoscope

philmaggitti 20 years

You are driven by a desire to climb to the top of the mountain—the mountain of success, a mountain of coke, any mountain will do.… Read More

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The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ The FDA has approved the first prescription-strength silence, available in 30-day supplies for patients whose doctors have determined they are talking too much. Side effects include clarity, improved listening, and a brief period of being liked.

⚡ A bipartisan congressional caucus has formed to study the feasibility of doing nothing faster. Early results suggest the group is ahead of schedule.

⚡ Netflix has announced a new content category called Shows You Will Start But Not Finish, to be featured prominently alongside Things You Have Already Seen Twice and Movies You Forgot You Watched. Subscribers describe the experience as having a lot of options.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.