The Pug Bus News Desk
The Pug Bus News Desk catalogs the ongoing collapse of public dignity, decency, and social media. We describe current events, add random cheap shots, and call it a public service. Some stories are exaggerated for satirical effect. Others arrived twisted already. The truth hurts; we just twist the knife.
🦴The Latest News
These may not be our best work, but they are the damn sure newest dispatches from a world in flames.
Hospital Asks ER Patients to Describe Symptoms Using Metaphors
Roadkill Management Program Debuts in Pennsylvania
Subscription Service Introduces Premium Plan for Services You’re Already Paying For
Most Personal Growth Occurs After Winning an Imaginary Argument
County Library Introduces Quiet Hour Enforcement Drone
Nation’s Introverts Exhausted by the Need to Explain Introversion
The Last Human With Phone Notifications Turned On Finally Located
Merchants Extend Limited-Time Only Indefinitely
Regional Transit Authority Debuts Emotional Support Bus Driver Program
The Five Stages of Self-Deception Identified
🦴Animal News
Covering wildlife, pets, and the increasingly uncomfortable overlap between two-legged and four-legged behavior.
The Most Embarrassing Animal Parts We Still Eat
Bidens New Dogs. WTF?
Mistakes Experts Make When Reading Canine Behavior
💼Business News
Reporting on capitalism as it reinvents old scams using newer fonts and subscription models.
Nation’s Most Influential Thought Leader Is Guy With Podcast in a Truck
Silicon Valley Discovers Ancient Financial Concept Called “Debt,” Ruins It
The Morning Forecast Affair: An Alexa Satire
🏛️Government News
Tracking public institutions as they continue operating with undeserved confidence and deeply confusing priorities.
The Unfinished Projects Division of the FBI Launches Door‑to‑Door Audit
USPS Introduces a New Class of Mail: Unsent Letters
Federal Recall Issued After Expired Leftovers Become Sentient
Florida’s English-only Driving Exam
President Threatens England with Economic Ruin over “Magastar”
The Last Mile of Virtue Signaling: An Adopt-a-Highway Map
The Bus Ticket Flim Flam: A Civic Evasion in Three Acts
The Gilded Palace of Spin: President Trump’s White House Changes
📜Historical News
Revisiting the past to confirm that people have always been irrational, vindictive, and weirdly ambitious.
The Duke of Marlborough’s Golden Toilet Legacy
The Dirty Little Secret of Every State
Deranged Landmarks: A Satirical US Atlas
🚏Local News
Reporting on neighborhood tensions, municipal oddities, and the fragile social contracts holding suburbia together.
Courtesy Clap Enforcement Begins in Willow Brooke
Neighborhood Group Chat Slowly Radicalizes Itself
Local Springfield HOA Votes to Secede
The 911 Calls Hall of Fame
Today’s Obituaries: The Death of Nuance
🔬Scientific News
Reporting on breakthroughs, studies, and peer-reviewed nonsense that confirms what nobody needed confirmed.
The National Weather Service Introduces Emotional Forecasts
Scientists Confirm Most Couples Held Together by a Shared Password
Your Brain Is No Match for a Cat’s Brain Chemistry
America’s Dumbed Down Youth: With 40% Less Brain Per Serving
Deaths from Weighted Blankets on the Rise
AMA Dropping Elitist Foreign Names for Phobias
Biden Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions
👁️Surreal News
Documenting the slow psychological unspooling of modern civilization one completely plausible headline at a time.
Extreme Mindfulness: How the Pros Do It
The Nation’s Shadows Form Shadow Government
Load Management in Everyday Life
Most Americans Maintain a Long-Term Feud Known Only to Themselves
Does Your Third Eye Need Glasses?
North Pole Dispute: Frostbite Tribe Demands Return of Santa’s Workshop
When Trees Communicate About Humans (It’s Not Pretty)
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue to Feature First Mormon Cover Model
Meditation Secrets the Gurus Do Not Want You to Know
Amazon Prime Afterlife™: Subscription Metaphysics
To wade into all the red-hot news dispatches click here. You’ll be sorry you did.