Every State’s America 250 Time Capsule Contributions

To prepare the America 250 Time Capsule, every state governor has received a lead-lined cylinder and strict instructions to fill it with items that define each state’s local heritage for viewing by citizens of the year 2276.

Naturally, bureaucrats have taken this task seriously, resulting in a collection of historical treasures that are heavily damp, slightly radioactive, and, in some cases,   legally alive.

Alabama … A jar of sweet tea whose sugar content now qualifies it as a geological formation.

Alaska … A size-11 rubber boot, filled with sourdough starter that breathes when the moon is full.

Arizona … A cactus spine that has punctured fourteen different squatting tourists.

Arkansas … A quartz crystal that plays “Dueling Banjos” when placed near water.

California … A glass jar filled with air that smells of lavender and anxiety harvested from a tech company board meeting moments before a funding round collapse.

Colorado … One very smooth river rock that three different residents claim is their spiritual advisor.

Connecticut … A piece of nutmeg that has been carved to look like a smaller piece of nutmeg and appraised at $6,000.

Delaware … A welcome sign that everyone accidentally drove past.

Florida … A preserved reptile foot clutching an orange covered in green mold.

Georgia … A church fan signed by three governors and one televangelist.

Hawaii … A black lava rock accompanied by a handwritten note asking whoever opens the capsule to please put it back.

Idaho … A potato so perfectly shaped that six different county fairs declared it emotionally significant.

Illinois … A parking meter that still insists you owe thirty-seven cents.

Indiana … A checkered flag that was waved one lap too early.

Iowa … A jar of soil so black and rich that it occasionally tries to grow corn without seeds.

Kansas … A weather vane that points toward whichever county is having the strongest opinion.

Kentucky … A flask containing bourbon that was aged inside a barrel made from a tree that struck a horse after the horse had struck first.

Louisiana … A bead necklace that was thrown from a balcony and caught by a crooked  politician.

Maine … A lobster trap containing detailed instructions for catching tourists.

Maryland … A can of Old Bay seasoning whose expiration date simply reads “Never.”

Massachusetts … A traffic cone that has been argued with legally since 1987.

Michigan … A mitten knitted with one thumb slightly longer than necessary.

Minnesota … A casserole recipe with six ingredients and four apologies.

Mississippi … A church bulletin that survived three floods and two revivals.

Missouri … A piece of wood from a riverboat that sank because the captain was looking at a bird.

Montana … A cowboy hat that has been run over by three different pickup trucks.

Nebraska … A single kernel of corn wearing a tiny seed-company baseball cap.

Nevada … A small jar of neon gas harvested from a sign that used to say “Girls Girls Girls.”

New Hampshire … A bumper sticker that says “Live Free or Do Something Else.”

New Jersey … A traffic cone that has been stolen and returned seventeen times.

New Mexico … A bunch of dried sage that causes people to forget where they parked their cars.

New York … A subway MetroCard containing thirty-seven  cents and profound disappointment.

North Carolina … A mason jar containing barbecue smoke collected before the argument started.

North Dakota … A grain elevator key that no one remembers making.

Ohio … A chili recipe that begins with spaghetti and refuses to explain itself.

Oklahoma … A feather from a wild turkey that was chased by a dog for three miles.

Oregon … A wool hat owned by four different people who did not know each other.

Pennsylvania … A piece of coal that was mined by a man whose name was mostly consonants and two unexplained apostrophes.

Rhode Island … The official minus from a family argument that somehow became municipal policy.

South Carolina … A small bag of rice that ws grown by a man who had six wives.

South Dakota … A pebble that insists it came from the other side of the mountain.

Tennessee … One broken guitar string that everyone insists belonged to someone famous.

Texas … Silver spurs worn by a man who was all hat and no horse.

Utah … A genealogy chart that unfolds for twenty-three feet before reaching anyone interesting.

Vermont … A piece of marble from a quarry so deep it has its own weather.

Virginia … A handwritten apology for losing the original handwritten apology.

Washington … A reusable coffee cup that contains traces of five different startups.

West Virginia … A hunk of wood from a cabin occupied by a man who did not know the war was over.

Wisconsin … A cheese curd that squeaks in three different keys.

Wyoming … A fence post that has spent eighty years minding its own business.

The Pug Bus News Desk contains a curated list here of the best news that’s unfit to print.