Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004
The Daily Irregular Horoscope — Twelve signs. Zero mercy. We torch your astrological delusions every morning with cosmic shade and existential snark. Bookmark now, return when Mercury’s gaslighting gets unbearable. Your stars never loved you anyway.
Jelly Roll learns that Saturn has rings, authority, and absolutely no interest in hearing what's wrong with America.
Jelly Roll was scheduled to guest-host this week’s Irregular Horoscopes, an arrangement that collapsed Saturday evening after Jellly had offended Saturn during what witnesses described… Read More
Waiting Room Horoscopes are designed for rooms where twelve vinyl chairs, four outdated magazines, and one artificial plant are responsible for maintaining public confidence. Please… Read More
Retreaded horoscopes are this week’s answer to rising celestial costs and a dire shortage of original human ehavior. Previously issued predictions have been inspected for… Read More
Presenting this week’s slightly used horoscopes. Each prediction has been issued previously to somebody else, returned for reasons that remain unclear, and placed back into… Read More
The stars have apparently been bought by Hallmark. This week, Hallmark Horoscopes replace the usual warnings about money, betrayal, poor judgment, or that noise your… Read More
Dr. T. J. Eckleburg has seen this before. A century ago, his watchful blue eyes observed the Jazz Age stagger home at dawn with champagne… Read More
For centuries humanity has expected the universe to explain itself periodically in zodiac forecasts fewer than 200 words with reassuring news about romance. The cosmos… Read More
Your password must now contain twelve characters, a constellation, one emotional breakthrough, and a symbol not previously used by your ancestors.
In password reset horoscopes, the key to unlocking your destiny no longer meets the minimum security requirements. The stars apologize for any inconvenience. They recommend… Read More
