Chip Hilton, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

Roll the Calls illustration showing a Hollywood agent shouting into a desk phone while his assistant clutches a clipboard beside stacks of paperwork.

The call went well. The other party agreed to stop being wrong.

Roll the Calls Explains How to Succeed in Hollywood Without Ever Lowering Your Voice

Ari Emanuel’s new memoir, Roll the Calls (Knopf), explains how a dyslexic kid from Chicago rose from the Creative Artists Agency mailroom to become one… Read More

Sobriety checkpoint at night as a quizzical driver looks up at a police officer beside her car amid flashing lights and traffic cones.

The stars smelled something on her breath.

Horoscopes

Sobriety Checkpoint Horoscopes

Chip Hilton horoscopes 5 days

The stars have established a sobriety checkpoint at the intersection of Fate and Poor Judgment. Every Zodiac sign will be stopped and questioned. Keep your… Read More

ICE raids target unread books as federal agents inspect a home library, seize pristine classics, and box suspicious volumes as evidence of literary neglect.

ICE raids enter their literary phase as agents seize unread classics before someone falsely claims to have enjoyed War and Peace.

News

ICE Raids Now Targeting Unread Books

Chip Hilton news 2 weeks

In the latest expansion of federal authority, government officials confirmed today that ICE raids now include inspections of private bookshelves, targeting citizens suspected of “willful… Read More

Jelly Roll poses in full astrological drag with crystal balls, wizard pugs, and an unimpressed Saturn after losing his guest horoscope hosting gig.

Jelly Roll learns that Saturn has rings, authority, and absolutely no interest in hearing what's wrong with America.

Horoscopes

Not the Jelly Roll Horoscopes

Chip Hilton horoscopes 3 weeks

Jelly Roll was scheduled to guest-host this week’s Irregular Horoscopes, an arrangement that collapsed Saturday evening after Jellly had offended Saturn during what witnesses described… Read More

Autism spectrum satire shows a CDC briefing where a prevalence chart climbs to 100% by 2035 as a puzzled audience watches the projection rise.

CDC officials assure Americans the autism spectrum has plenty of room for everybody.

News

CDC Estimates That Everybody Will Be on the Autism Spectrum by 2035

Chip Hilton news 3 weeks

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention today revised its autism prevalence model upward for the ninth consecutive quarter, projecting that 100% of the U.S.… Read More

Return the shopping cart scene shows shoppers glaring at a man abandoning his cart just steps from the supermarket cart corral.

The jury had seen enough.

Book of Daze

Book of Daze: Return the Shopping Cart Day

Chip Hilton bookof-daze 4 weeks

The steps between an abandoned shopping cart and its galvanized steel enclosure are the only thing keeping humankind from eating the bark off trees. Hence… Read More

Dolly Parton's breasts are remembered in a sentimental memorial tribute featuring her portrait, flowers, candlelight, rhinestones, and a keepsake.

A touching memorial to two enormous contributors to American culture.

Culture

Dolly Parton’s Breasts Remembered Fondly by Her Peers

Chip Hilton cultural commentary 1 month

As tributes continue to pour in following the death of Dolly Parton at eighty, friends, fellow entertainers, and country music historians are paying homage to… Read More

One previous owner. Mostly highway predictions.

Horoscopes

Your Slightly Used Horoscopes

Chip Hilton horoscopes 1 month

Presenting this week’s slightly used horoscopes. Each prediction has been issued previously to somebody else, returned for reasons that remain unclear, and placed back into… Read More

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