Tipping can be traced to 1643, when a rogue baron named Thistlewick von Gratuity attempted to bribe a tavern ghost into ceasing its nightly rearrangement of his cutlery. Thus were the rules of tipping born. The ghost, unimpressed by threats or flattery, demanded coin offerings placed beneath the baron’s soup… Read More
Major media outlets have long been guilty of ignoring writing style guides, but recently the infractions have grown mythic. BuzzFeed, ever the chaotic neutral, made skid marks on the lawn of illustrations by captioning a meme with “This is peak chaos,” thus summoning the silent wrath of the virality gods.… Read More
Pumpkin spice recipes are not merely a seasonal flavor trend—they are a cultural mirror, reflecting America’s obsession with comfort, conformity, and consumerism disguised as nostalgia. Pumpkin spice did not ask for power. It seized it. What began as a humble blend of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves—once relegated to pies… Read More
The latest avant-garde gallery is drawing rapt attention and hordes of visitors by mounting absolutely no visual content. This newest art fad can be “seen” in the Museum of Subtle Absence, housed in a converted WeWork in Brooklyn’s “Post-Ironic District.” The exhibit features 40,000 square feet of pristinely empty space.… Read More
Hyphenated last names are the linguistic equivalent of duct-taping two egos together and calling it a legacy. They are Frankensteinian name-chimeras, stitched from the vanity of two people who could not bear to let go of a single syllable of their ancestral glory. These are not names. They are genealogical… Read More
Among the more rhythmically ambitious members of our species, there exists a sad affliction known as premature percussive enthusiasm. In layperson’s terms— clapping before the beat. CBB is the audible equivalent of stepping into a revolving door at the wrong time and insisting it is everyone else’s fault. The hands… Read More
(The Farmer’s Almanac Satire has been forecasting folly since before climate denial was cool.) General Overview November arrives like an uninvited uncle with political opinions and leftover Halloween candy. The air will feel crisp, the leaves will look dead, and every influencer will rediscover flannel. Expect nature to act confused—some… Read More
In loving memory of the “brave” souls who met selfie deaths while chasing the perfect angle but meeting the ultimate exposure instead. Selfie Deaths, #1 Historians of the absurd agree that the first recorded selfie death occurred on June 3, 1914, when Percival “Pip” Danderline of Peoria attempted to photograph himself… Read More
Every Halloween some precocious child decides to split the difference between clever and concerning. Last year’s ignoble laureate in the funny Halloween costumes department was eleven-year-old Trevor Beasley, who appeared at neighborhood doors with three vape pens strung around his neck like war medals and a cardboard sign that read… Read More
The book on which this tragedy was based, Warren Zanes’s solemn ode to Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska, attempts to canonize a lo-fi cassette as if it were the Dead Sea Scrolls. One suspects Zanes believes Nebraska was not merely recorded but divinely transcribed in a New Jersey kitchen by a man… Read More
It requires a colossal kind of self-delusion to believe that an artist with 100 million followers wrote a tune specifically about you. Yet every time new Taylor Swift songs have been released, battalions of emotionally overclocked civilians rushed to declare, “That’s me!” as if they have spent years co-authoring her… Read More
Britain, once the globe-spanning empire of cannonballs and Shakespearean insults, now dispenses vegan tampons in at least one men’s bathroom. At Sizergh Castle, the National Trust has installed a box in the gents that reads: “Got a period situation going on? We got you.” Translation: “We’ve transcended biology and now… Read More
In a stunning act of culinary necromancy, the original founders of Hooters have seized back the reins of their orange-shorted empire, vowing a Hooters Comeback that will “return us to our roots”—which, if memory serves, are buried somewhere between a Daytona Beach wet T-shirt contest and a deep fryer blessed… Read More
New Age music, once the shimmering soundtrack of crystal shops and yoga VHS tapes everywhere, has entered its twilight years, if not its twilight dimension (the Afterlife Lounge). Born in the late 1970s, New Age is close to eyeing a senior discount at Whole Foods while reminiscing about its glory… Read More
Taylor Swift’s Corset has rejected its status as mere accessory and now operates as a sovereign diplomatic entity with its own press credentials, velvet entourage, and a standing invitation to Davos. The garment, stitched from the whispers of Versailles and the sequins of postmodern longing, appeared solo on Late Night… Read More
