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Underhanded Guide to Winning at Solitaire

2 weeks T.J. Eckleburg
Winning at solitaire gets suspicious as a sly player manipulates real cards while keeping a digital solitaire game open on his computer.
Victory is sweeter when the appeals process is handled entirely in-house.

Winning at solitaire, whether played with actual cards or on a screen, requires discipline, discretion, and the ability to think like both a criminal and a victim.

Solitaire experts recommend beginning with one-card draw, the preferred format for players who believe three-card draw introduces an unacceptable level of government interference.

“Solitaire is fundamentally a contest between you and random card distribution,” said Raymond Kessler, 67, a retired insurance underwriter who keeps two unopened decks in a bulletproof safe. “There is no ethical reason random card distribution should always win.”

The most elementary winning technique is the Strategic Redraw. With physical cards, simply put an unfavorable card back and draw another one. Online players can achieve roughly the same result through Undo, Restart, or any other button provided by programmers who understand human character.

More experienced players employ the Accidental Revelation. With actual cards, briefly lift a face-down card because you were “straightening the pile.” Digital players can  use the Hint button, which is not even cheating because the software itself has agreed to become an accomplice.

Another popular maneuver is the Retrospective Misdeal. This allows the player to redeal or restart after discovering that the original arrangement was obviously defective.

“You are not skirting the rules,” said Donna Frick, 59, a veterinary  receptionist who has never completed a game without reversing at least one move. “You are correcting an administrative error.”

Purists insist solitaire should be played exactly as dealt, without peeking, undoing, restarting, rearranging, or quietly relocating an inconvenient black seven. Purists also lose a lot.

Ultimately, winning at solitaire requires accepting one uncomfortable truth: Nobody is watching, nobody cares, and somehow you still feel the need to win.

Which is probably why solitaire was invented.

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