Mocking all those gadgets, apps, and digital overlords driving humanity into glorious snot-flinging absurdity.
The future has arrived, and it appears to be powered not by inspiration but by code snippets written by caffeinated interns who once dreamed of garage bands and now troubleshoot neural networks that feel emotion only when the server overheats. Synthetic music created by artificial intelligence has officially conquered the… Read More
Editor’s Note: This relic from our digital catacombs proves that some jokes never go out of date, even when the jokes were on us. Consider it a vintage pour of Sony Software, served neat. This classic tech satire gem first appeared in the Pug Bus archives in 2005. It revealed how… Read More
Editor’s Note: This relic from our digital Bible Belt catacombs proves that some jokes never go out of date—unlike Internet Explorer. Microsoft may have moved on to AI and cloud dominance, but this little gem reminds us of a time when the biggest news was adding an English-to-Tongues converter to… Read More
Before you may enter this website, O mere mortal, you must prove your humanity. Not with kindness. Nor with empathy. But with a sacred trial of squinting at blurry street signs and deciphering hieroglyphic license plates from the seventh circle of JPEG compression. CAPTCHA—Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell… Read More
(Twenty-four Hours of Cardiac Shame Play-by-Play) The Holter monitor, created by Dr. Norman J. Holter, is a portable ECG device that records every single heartbeat over a twenty-four-hour period. It was designed to detect heart problems too subtle to catch in an office visit. Dr. Holter, according to legend, was… Read More
Drowsiness (The Couch Siren’s Song)Never leave home without a flask of enchanted coconut water blessed by a hydration shaman. Chew gum infused with the tears of over-caffeinated poets. Whisper moist incantations to your salivary glands nightly. Common with: Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Cymbalta, BuSpar, tricyclics Weight Gain (The Expansion Protocol)Befriend a… Read More
(By someone who hasn’t blinked in days. ) There’s a battle brewing in the kingdom of caffeine. A schism deeper than oat vs. almond milk, more emotionally charged than using your ex’s Netflix password. On one side: Hot Coffee — steaming, bold, and in a permanent state of over-caffeinated rush.… Read More
(Originally printed in Inferior Design, Nov-Dec, 2024, the Magazine of Jobs No Human Should Ever Perform) We humans once held forth–and still do in some backwater provinces–behind keyboards, checkout counters, phone banks, and customer service lines. There we display an incompetence so profound and pervasive as to be called career killing, if… Read More
WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa–A new study published in Applied Psychological Measurement suggests that the obesity epidemic has begun to make quantifiable inroads on the human soul. The study, conducted by a team of researchers from the Johns Hopkins University School of Social Psychometrics, was designed to replicate a century-old study that reported… Read More
CUPERTINO, CA—Apple and Google are locked in a hair-pulling, eye-gouging, (nut)-smacking contest to see who can get to market first with a significant upgrade for the Old White Man (OWM) app, which was originally patterned after Grindr, a popular app that helps gay men to locate other gay men who… Read More
In its rollout of the iPhone 12, Apple seems to have saved one of the most revolutionary features of its gear new phone for last: the Fecal Finder™ app, which can detect fecal material as small as one part per one hundred millionth on any iPhone 12. “That’s like being… Read More
WEST CHESTER, PA—The Killer Kwanzaa app, offered free through the Black Lives Matter (BLM) website, is suspected of forcing its way onto the tablets, mobile phones, and computers of selected persons who visit the BLM site—whether they want the app or not. This scorched-app strategy is similar Microsoft’s hyper-aggressive rollout… Read More
"The Amish can retrofit everything from cell phones to hair curlers to dildoes so that they all run on propane."
Bird in Hand, PA—News of the deaths of three unrelated Amish youth—Jacob Stolzfus, 18, Lucas Stolzfus, 19, and Cyrus Martin, 21—has exploded like after-market vape pens in this quaintly named Amish community. The youth, who were all employed in the kitchen at Miller’s Family Style Smorgasbord, died after the vape… Read More
Something called the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (CCFC) wants you to know that Hello Barbie™ is the most sordid and contemptible toy ever sold this year. According to CCFC founder, Susan Linn, Hello Barbie™ is “creepy and creates a host of dangers for children and families.” Wondering what could… Read More
The National Computer Security Association (NCSA) has announced that Windows 10, the aggressively marketed new operating system from Microsoft, now qualifies as malware. The NCSA, headquartered in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, made the announcement after receiving “countless troubling reports” of Microsoft’s having “gone rogue” in promoting and distributing Windows 10. “Microsoft’s disregard… Read More
