News

The First Principle of Electronic Communication was defined in a cartoon in the July 5, 1993, edition of the New Yorker. There are two dogs in the cartoon. One, who is seated at a … Read on

HOBOKEN, N.J. – John Wiley & Sons, publishers of the gratingly familiar black-and-yellow Dummies books, has sold more than 200 million of those jive, patronizing critters since DOS for Dummies crawled out of the ocean … Read on

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joseph R. Biden extended a hand to the gay and lesbian community last night when he announced that he was going to ask Congress to approve the creation of a $3 … Read on

WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) will begin unbaptizing dead people next month, says the group’s founder, the Reverend Philip Feral. Believed to be the first program of its kind … Read on

BALTIMORE, MD — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University’s School of Medicine’s Internal Research Department have demonstrated that the sixties, a period of mythical renown in American culture, really were as “groovy” as some people claim. … Read on

HAMPTON ROADS, VA—People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ (PETA) latest campaign is likely to be its most controversial. The veteran animal rights crusaders plan a “full-on … Read on

YONKERS, N.Y.-–The June digital issue of Consumer Reports magazine will contain the venerable product tester’s first-ever rating of patron saints. The … Read on

LONDON – A study has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion was reached … Read on

WEST CHESTER, PA—I am proud to announce this morning that Postcards from the Pug Bus, the alt-right’s favorite satire site, is an official sanctuary website. As long as bat-shit-crazy college professors inflict their political views … Read on

WEST CHESTER–A seventy-five-year-old woman, whose name was being withheld at press time, was found dead in her apartment yesterday afternoon, trapped by the weighted blanket under which she had been pinned for some time. Neighbors, … Read on

CHICAGO—A study conducted recently by the University of Chicago suggests that shadows lead flat, unfulfilling lives. According to the study—based on observations of shadows in thirty-seven states—shadows do not exhibit characteristics associated with a satisfactory … Read on

CHICAGO—American Medical Association (AMA) board member Deter Camel, MD, MPH, HMFIC, ended weeks of speculation when he announced yesterday that the association will discontinue its practice of giving “elitist foreign names” to phobias. Dr. Camel … Read on

BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Wal-Mart will no longer sell Chinese toothpaste in its United States outlets. The global retail giant announced yesterday that it was taking this step after receiving numerous complaints from its American customers.… Read on

WINGHAM, Near Sandwich, Kent, Next to Blasingstone-on-Avon England—A potentially embarrassing iPhone 10 video in which Paul McCartney is seen attempting to buy marijuana in the rural village of Wingham, Kent, is in the sweaty hands … Read on