Current events filtered through our jaundiced worldview. By the time you read this, everything is already worse. We report what happened, add contempt, and call it a service. The truth hurts; we just twist the knife.
A custody dispute over a thirty-five-year-old sourdough starter has entered its third week of township mediation, with both parties citing conflicting notarized feeding schedules and… Read More
The board of the Wexford Hollow Neighborhood Watch has voted 6–1 to require dog walking permits following a summer of mounting anxiety over canines who… Read More
The board of directors for Whispering Pines Estates has unanimously approved the community’s new rituals for casting spells after months of escalating tensions between practicing… Read More
Mayor Grist deploys 'Operation Scone Peace,' armed with donuts, a ruler, and a very official-looking cardboard table to resolve the Great Bakery Standoff.
Mayor Thaddeus Grist, 61, a pigeon exhibitor who refuses to wear neckties owing to a childhood fear of trapezoids, personally convened Emergency Municipal Council Session… Read More
Trevor’s holographic ferret just asked for soul‑access permissions. Emotional Support Animals have officially gone full software update.
Budget airlines has announced that passengers may now bring AI Emotional Support Animals onboard—provided they mime feeding the animals like deranged Victorian children tending invisible… Read More
The nation’s academic arms race reached its logical conclusion this week after Florida high school senior Ethan Mallory graduated with a record-setting GPA so high… Read More
In a 5–2 vote that surprised no one except the two council members who were not paying attention, the Borough of Larksville passed Ordinance 26‑04,… Read More
West Whiteland School Board members lean in toward The Oracle—a Magic 8‑Ball now responsible for all district policy decisions, from snow days to superintendent reviews.
Following a unanimous 5-0 vote that was described as “both decisive and spiritually guided,” the West Whiteland School Board announced that it was adopting a… Read More
