News Archives - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Clowns or Mimes?

Marjorie Finkelstein, 64, retired dental hygienist

318 Willow Street, Scranton, PA

Mimes. At least they have the decency to suffer in silence. A clown wants you to participate in his emotional problems while he honks a horn and falls down. I spent thirty-seven years looking into people's mouths. I have had enough forced entertainment.

Raymond Bickford, 51, commercial refrigeration technician

76 Chestnut Lane, Akron, OH

Clowns. You know where you stand with a clown. He has enormous shoes, a drinking problem, and a car full of accomplices. A mime pretends to be trapped in an invisible box and expects applause. My brother-in-law has been doing that at Thanksgiving for twenty years. Nobody pays him.

Sheila Lattimore, 47, assistant county tax assessor

142 Birch Road, Des Moines, IA

Mimes, provided they remain outdoors. I once hired a clown for my daughter's birthday party. He arrived forty minutes late, smelled like gasoline, and asked whether we had a ladder. The children still talk about it. My daughter is twenty-three.

James Bond Movies get a Trump makeover at Mar-a-Lago, where the president poses with a Shirley Temple beside a gold 007 speedboat in a lavish spy headquarters.

The name is Bond. Tremendous Bond. Nobody bonds better.

News

President Trump Offers to Save James Bond Movies

Chip Hilton news 1 day

PALM BEACH, FL. Arguing that the James Bond movies “have wasted far too much time considering lesser candidates,” President Donald Trump offered to rescue the… Read More

Pennsylvania Small towns face a mysterious invasion of vape shops as another storefront materializes before the eyes of a bewildered resident.

Nobody knows who shops at these places. Why do they keep multiplying?

News

Small Pennsylvania Towns Capable of Supporting More Vape Shops

T.J. Eckleburg news 4 days

MATAMORAS, PA — A landmark study released by the Pennsylvania Institute for Commercial Mysteries (PICM) has confirmed that Small Pennsylvania Towns, regardless of population, geographic… Read More

Netflix documentary depicts an empty dining chair beside a set dinner table, bathed in bleak winter light, suggesting a mystery that never existed.

Netflix investigators have yet to determine who wasn't sitting in the chair.

News

Netflix Documentary Requires Second Documentary to Explain Why Nothing Happened

T.J. Eckleburg news 2 weeks

LOS ANGELES — A Netflix documentary about an unsolved disappearance will be followed by a three-part companion series examining why its six-part investigation failed to… Read More

Most Interesting Man in the World climbs from a battered Dos Equis space capsule after ten years on Mars, muddy, disheveled, and ready for a beer.

“I don’t always ride in a rocket, but when I do, I make sure somebody else pays for the return trip.”

News

Most Interesting Man in the World Disputes Ten Years of Parking Fees

T.J. Eckleburg news 2 weeks

PUEBLO, Colo. — The Most Interesting Man in the World, who was brought back from a ten-tear exile on Mars by Dos Equis in January,… Read More

Penn State Cuts 47 Degree Programs as a weary student watches an administrator celebrate enrollment reductions in a nearly empty lecture hall.

Penn State assures students that nobody will be left behind, provided they can still be counted.

News

Penn State Cuts 47 Degree Programs, Few Students Affected

Biff Scuzzy news 2 weeks

When Penn State cuts 47 degree programs during the next academic year, fewer than 100 students will be affected, according to university officials, who arrived… Read More

Trump Commission celebrates a wastewater plant renaming as Donald Trump cuts a ribbon before a gold sign proclaiming Making America Flush Again.

The Trump Commission proudly unveils the greatest sewage treatment facility in American history. Nobody handles more crap. Nobody.

News

Trump Commission Discovers Thousands of Landmarks Not Named After Trump

T.J. Eckleburg news 2 weeks

The Trump Commission on Presidential Recognition and Geographic Correctness has uncovered “a disturbing nationwide pattern of bridges, schools, mountains, rivers, and municipal sewage treatment facilities… Read More

Damaging Emotional Neglect drives a Chester County man to sue his menacing smart fridge, whose icy glare and angry display offer little comfort or sympathy.

The refrigerator warned Delvecchio that accidents happen, particularly to people who reach for cheese after midnight.

News

Chester County Man Sues Smart Fridge for Emotional Neglect

Biff Scuzzy news 2 weeks

WEST CHESTER, Pa. — Citing “persistent emotional neglect” and “a pattern of psychologically withholding behavior,” Chester County resident Ronald Delvecchio, 54, a divorced insurance broker… Read More

Everyday Problems include the household chair that has surrendered its original purpose to piles of clothing, packages, paperwork, and a watchful pug.

It's a chair! We bought it so people could sit on it!

News

Department of Everyday Problems Releases Three Disturbing Reports

Chip Hilton news 2 weeks

The Department of Everyday Problems has authorized the release of previously classified reports concerning three disturbing issues. County Man Enters Garage for One Thing, Emerges… Read More

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