November 2005 – Page 2 – postcards from the pug bus

Terrell Owens Suspended by Monday Night Football

philmaggitti 440 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Monday Night Football has suspended Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens indefinitely for conduct detrimental to its commercials. Owens, who appeared in an infamous skit with Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan preceding an MNF telecast last November, was scheduled to appear in a follow-up to that controversial advert this year. The sequel Read More

News

Vincent Gallo Swimming Upstream with Sperm Offer

Chip Hilton 431 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Ignoring the historically poor performance records of sperm banks, indie film actor Vincent Gallo is offering to sell his sperm for $1 million. According to Gallo’s official website, that price covers “all costs related to attempt at an in vitro fertilization.” The price does not include naming rights, however. Any child Read More

News

Chicken Little Stricken with Avian Flu

philmaggitti 436 Views 2 min read

DISNEYLAND – What was to be a triumphant weekend debut for Walt Disney Studios Chicken Little was marred by the news that the hero of this newly released animated feature has been stricken with the Asian bird flu. Therefore, instead of crowing, Disney issued a tersely worded press release today, confirming rumors that had been flying around Read More

Celebrities

Jude Law Miffed at Being Offered Smaller Parts

philmaggitti 448 Views 2 min read

LONDON – Sex rat Jude Law is upset because studios have been offering him smaller and smaller parts ever since he was photographed in the nude by a paparazzo last summer at his mother’s villa in France. A photo of Law changing into swim trunks on what must have been an unseasonably cold August day Read More

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson Disappointed by Therapy

Chip Hilton 453 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Jessica Simpson told Psychology Today that she was extremely disappointed by her recent experience with therapy. The singer-actress claimed that relentless gossip about her marriage to Nick Lachey drove her to visit a therapist to find out if the rumors were true. “But all’s he did was ask me a lot of questions, how I Read More

Politics

Alito Supreme Court Nomination Assailed by Democrats

philmaggitti 454 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy led the chorus of Democratic voices howling in opposition to President Bush’s nomination of Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. to the Supreme Court. Speaking to reporters in his office yesterday afternoon, Kennedy said, “This guy (Alito) is such a political Neanderthal he drags his knuckles on the ground Read More