September 2015 – postcards from the pug bus

All-White Diversity Philly Magazine Cover: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 456 Views 1 min read

PHILADELPHIA—What do you get when a magazine runs a cover story about diversity in Philadelphia’s public schools and the photo of cherubic elementary school kids on the cover includes nary a brown, black, beige, tan, yellow, red, brindled, or burnt umber face—just seven cheerful white kids sitting on a low-slung brick wall, their iPhones and Read More

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Gets All Up in Thug Kitchen’s Ass

philmaggitti 503 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Today, boys and girls, we are going to depart from our usual custom of calling out the shitwads who ignore conventional norms of usage. No brickbats for the boneheads who confuse adoptive and adopted; no crucifying the clodhoppers who don’t know that irregardless is an irregular construction; not a single drop of disdain for the dickheads who think alot is Read More

You Can't PhotoShop This

Pope Gets His Ass Grabbed: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 423 Views 1 min read

What sack! What glorious, unalloyed sack! Pope don’t support gay marriage? Pope thinks guy-on-guy reach-arounds are a sin? Gay dude gets cheeky with Da Pontiff’s right cheek. Considering the pope’s eighteenth-century views on women, it’s a wonder that the only chick allowed near His High and Mightiness in this photo didn’t yank the Papal Pee-pee Read More

Music

Roger Daltrey’s Hair Forces Cancellation of Who Tour

philmaggitti 494 Views 2 min read

LONDON—Complications surrounding singer Roger Daltrey’s hair have forced The Who to postpone a North American tour that had been scheduled to begin on September 24 in Portland, Oregon. According to a press release issued by the band’s Who’s Left productions, Mr. Daltrey’s hair, 71, contracted follicular meningitis and was ordered by a doctor to rest. Read More

Ass Hats

DeGeneres Wins Asshat Award Again

philmaggitti 529 Views 4 min read

LOS ANGELES-Ellen DeGeneres, with a face only a lesbian could love, has planted that face, and the head to which it is attached, firmly up her ass again. Miss DeGeneres, a putative vegan, has been outed by several animal-advocacy groups because her new ED lifestyle clothing line is being expanded to accommodate shit Read More

Politics You Can't PhotoShop This

Black Lives Matter: You Can’t Photoshop This

Biff Scuzzy 490 Views 1 min read

WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.–Members of Fuk Yo Flag, a wholly owned subsidiary of Black Lives Matter, have taken to videos and blog posts to “suggest” acts of violence and thuggery on September 11. After posting a video recently that called for “open season on killing white people and cops,” a man who identifies himself as Read More

Technology

Apple To Reveal Shocker at Annual Event

Biff Scuzzy 531 Views 1 min read

SAN FRANCISCO, Ca.–As the tech world holds its breath waiting for Apple’s Christmas-in-September party today, rumors are swirling that the Cupertino giant has a major surprise up its sleeve—or up its ass, to be more precise. “The iButt, a combination thumb drive and butt plug, will be rolled out today,” said an inside source at Read More