January 2016 – postcards from the pug bus

Mike Ditka Is the New Face of Lane Bryant

Chip Hilton 481 Views 2 min read

CHICAGO—In a move certain to raise eyebrows if not hem lines, Lane Bryant is set to introduce former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka as the new face of plus-size women’s clothing at a press conference tomorrow. Although Lane Bryant CEO Charles McKee would neither confirm nor deny this report, a source close to Coach Ditka Read More

Saints Alive

Fabian, Patron Saint of Dove Fanciers

philmaggitti 497 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Fabian d’Fabiano, whose name literally means “Fabian, Son of the Son of Fabian,“ was a poor excuse for an olive farmer, who lived outside Rome. To supplement his pitiful income he raised doves for racing and companionship and, when all else failed, food. In 236 CE—shortly after the tragic yet unforeseen [sic] death Read More

Innerviews

Talking Shit with Clementine the Taco Bell Piggy Bank

philmaggitti 506 Views 4 min read

WEST GOSHEN, PA.—Taco Bell’s current ad touting its breakfast crunch wrap sliders features an elderly piggy bank named Clementine and a young fellow named Mark, with whom the piggy bank has shared a room for roughly a dozen years. We learn during the ad that Clementine has seen Mark, who looks to be about nineteen Read More