Remembrance and Reckoning: Preparing for a High School Reunion, #65
Let us not pretend that your high school reunion is only about nostalgia, especially if it is the sixty-fifth reunion and you went to an all-male prep school. Preparing for a high school reunion of that gravitas is not for amateurs. This is not a celebration of youthful camaraderie. It is a slow-motion parade of orthopedic shoes, prostate anecdotes, and the quiet dismay of seeing your former classmates resemble a casting call for a retirement home documentary, while you still look like your yearbook picture. At sixty-five-years post graduation, you are not attending so much as you are showing up; and you are showing up not to relive ancient glory, if you had any. You are there to finesse survival.
Preparing for a High School Reunion: The Art of Tactical Grooming
You must appear well-preserved, not embalmed. Trim nose and ear hair. Buff nails. Moisturize with intent. The goal is not youth but vitality. A clean shave or a neatly trimmed beard signals control. Avoid cologne that smells like a department store’s bargain bin. Choose something subtle, expensive smelling, and untraceable.
Dress with precision. No novelty ties. No cargo pants. No sneakers with orthopedic inserts visible to the naked eye. A tailored blazer over a crisp shirt–preferably one with a collar that stands at attention–is your armor. Slacks should whisper elegance, not scream “elastic waistband.” Shoes must be polished. Only wear tennis shoes or Crocs if you have a note from you doctor. If you wear a hat, it must be ironic or inherited.
Remembrance and Reckoning: Legacy Without Apology
Conversation is a minefield. Begin with neutral topics: travel, grandchildren, sports, the weather. Avoid politics. Never ask, “Do you remember me?” If someone does not, let him suffer in silence. Do not discuss ailments unless asked. If someone begins a monologue about his medical history, nod solemnly and pivot to architecture. If someone boasts about his career, respond with a question about his grandchildren. If someone has clearly lost the thread of reality, do not correct him. Smile. Sip your drink. Let the moment pass like a dignified hallucination.
Above all, remember: this is not only a reunion. It is a ritual. Dress like a survivor. Speak like a diplomat. Exit like a legend.
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