Sunday, April 28, 2024
Sporting Life

Dwayne Wade Identified as Robbery Suspect

an image

PHILADELPHIA — A Korean grocery store owner has identified Dwayne Wade as the person who robbed him at gun point in early February. Woo-jin Park, 57, said he recognized Mr. Wade, 30, in a picture of the Miami Heat basketball team that was published on the internet via Twitter last week.

In that photo members of the Heat posed in hoodies to show their outrage at the killing of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed hoodie-wearing black teenager who was gunned down following an altercation with a white Hispanic man in Sanford, Florida.

“When I saw that lineup picture, I recognized the robber, so I called the police,” said Mr. Park.

Police dispatcher Louis Richards, who took Mr. Park’s call, attempted to explain that the Miami Heat photo was not a “perp shot. I tried to tell him it was just a picture of a basketball team, but he didn’t understand.”

“I know what I saw,” said Mr. Park. “That man [Mr. Wade] came in and asked for a bag of Skittles, then he pulled out a gun and robbed me.”

According to Officer Richards, Mr. Park is not the first merchant to identify a member of the Miami Heat as the man who robbed him.

“Ever since that picture came out, we’ve gotten tons of calls from store owners who claim they were robbed by a member of the Miami Heat.”

Mr. Wade could not be reached for comment.

an image

A spokesperson for the Miami Heat said the team did play in Philadelphia on Friday February 3, but Mr. Wade went out for dinner after the game with Lebron James.

“Besides,” the spokesman added, “Mr. Wade doesn’t even like Skittles.”

In related news, the address for Mr. Park’s store that was tweeted by Spike Lee last night is actually the address of the Philadelphia Parks and Recreation department.    

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

Verified by MonsterInsights