Flash

Texas Limits Prisoners’ Last Meals to 1,200 Calories

various kinds of meats, fruit, and vegetables arranged on a lazy susan
“Bless us, Oh Lord, and these they gifts.”

“It’s never too late to begin healthy eating,” explained  prison dietician Dieter Volk. “A prisoner’s last meal should not constitute cruel and unusual punishment.”

Henceforth, all last meals will be portion controlled, light, and synergistically balanced.

“No one should eat a heavy meal before going to sleep,” added Mr. Volk.