Air Fryers Aren’t Only for Cooking
Everyone thinks an air fryer is a two-trick pony, good only for reheating limp fries or pretending to eat healthy. That whirring countertop UFO is hiding secrets, however, glorious, weird, possibly inter-dimensional secrets. Plug it in, load it up, and keep your hands and moral compass outside the basket. We’re about to explore three unholy ways to use an air fryer that have nothing to do with dinner and everything to do with creative madness.
Portal stabilizer for lost socks and alternate realities. Set to 375°F and listen for the low hum. It’s not a fan, it’s a rift. Drop in a single argyle, close the door, wait one minute, and—foomp—the missing one reappears, smelling faintly of ozone and regret. Caution: may also attract versions of you from worse timelines.
Crisping confidential documents. When a shredder won’t do the heavy lifting, the air fryer’s whispering convection winds can curl, crisp, and caramelize those incriminating pages into speak-no-evil ashes. Great for annihilating tax returns, love letters, or that 202Martian,0 screenplay you promised would “change cinema forever.”
Training space hamsters for atmospheric entry. Strap tiny goggles on the hamster, set the air fryer to 400°F, and simulate the turbulence of a Martian descent. Don’t forget to line the basket with kale chips for safety. (And snacks.) Not FDA-approved, but neither was Tang.