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Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

A woman in a full dress dancing barefoot outdoors.

"I talk to the breeze."

Flash

Calypso Winds

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 8 months

Calypso winds tangled the laundry as Aunt Muriel danced barefoot, flinging fruitcake at the rabbits who’d been eating her heirloom lettuce. The sun blinked. A… Read More

"It's Greek to me."

Flash

Ulcer

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 8 months

Eddie claimed stress gave him an ulcer. His wife disagreed. It was his nightly “relaxation ritual” of hot wings, bourbon, and screaming at the TV… Read More

"My balls are itching."

Flash

Funeral

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 8 months

The funeral had better snacks than my wedding. People lingered longer, too–less out of love than obligation. I raised a glass to the deceased and… Read More

a man drives his car in reverse into a yoga class

"How do I do a downward facing Prius?"

Flash

Reverse Polarity

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 9 months

At precisely 9:03 this morning, George attempted to reverse his unfortunate life decisions by backing his Prius into a yoga studio. “I meant metaphorically!” he… Read More

"Step #1"

Flash

Unplug It, Then Plug It Back In

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 9 months

In a perfect world, most computer problems can be solved by unplugging the computer, then plugging it back in. Why else do computer technicians always… Read More

Flash

Smoker Alarm

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 9 months

Harold, 82, vapes THCa in a motel off Route 15. His wife’s walking the dog. The smoke alarm doesn’t react to vapes. Sweet. Still loves… Read More

A passionate man singing into a microphone while playing a guitar.

Flash

An Octave Too Far

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 9 months

At karaoke night, Jim tried to show off with an operatic high note. Suddenly, his uvula staged a furious one-man protest, flapping like a drunken… Read More

a cartoon of a man with orange hair holding a clipboard

"He sees you when ..."

Flash

Nemesis

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 9 months

A nemesis isn’t just an enemy, it’s the perfect, poetic counterforce to your life. It haunts your successes, highlights your flaws, and appears when you… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.