Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Are You the Master of Your Bedroom?

The true conservative does not like anything to happen that has not happened before. He prefers old dogs, old friends, old whiskey, and old songs…old words, too…and he’s apt to become shirty when old words get surrounded by crime scene tape strung up by the low priests of political correctness and woke-fucking-culture.

Such is the fate of “master bedroom.” The Houston Association of Realtors, eager to be correct and “woke,” announced in June that “master” would be replaced by “primary” in descriptions of bedrooms and bathrooms in all future association listings.

This sniveling, inglorious decision—a solution in search of a problem—was made after a group of real estate agents had requested a review of the term “master bedroom.”

Fair enough, but the Department of Housing and Urban Development had conducted just such a review in1995 in less fraught times…and decided that “master bedroom” was not discriminatory and did not violate fair housing laws.

In more fraught times (June this year), the National Association of Realtors reached the same conclusion. “NAR sees no reason that real estate professionals cannot use the term (master bedroom), as there is no evidence that it has any historical connection to slavery or any other kind of discrimination.”

No shit. Lincoln freed the slaves in 1865. “Master bedroom” appeared in a 1926 Sears mail order catalog. Unless you can find a much earlier example of its use, Skippy, you’ll look dumber than Jim Carey if you claim a historical connection to slavery…or any connection to slavery other than imaginary.

H.L. Mencken defined puritanism as “The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.” Progressives are haunted by the fear that someone, somewhere may be using language or having a thought of which they do not approve. Still, it’s time to call a spade, a spade. No sane, non-hyperventilating person should be offended by “master bedroom,” just as no sane, non-hyperventilating, non-certifiable person should be ashamed of the color of his or her skin; nor—most critically—should white people be offended by “master bedroom” on behalf of someone else.

That’s the pile of rocks with a snake in it. Beware of white people who get offended on behalf of others who are not white. The fury of the I-feel-your-pain WINO (white in name only) is beyond reckoning and frequently exceeds the fury of those who believe they have cause for offense.

The triumph of feelings over facts in Houston and in other locations, locations, locations leads us to wonder what master might be next to be canceled. Chess master? Master’s degrees? What about master plans, pay masters, the Master’s Tournament, master chefs, Master Card, Master P,  mastermind, Masterpiece Theater, Master of Ceremonies, Master of One’s Own Domain?

It’s enough to make a person weary. Fortunately we have a master bedroom to which to retire: and if one didn’t exist, we’d have to invent it.

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