You Can’t Satirize This Shit #12
(Love, nudity, and a stolen RV in motion, toeing the line between disbelief and Appalachian Shakespeare.)
In a story that sounds as if it was rejected by Jerry Springer for being “too on the nose,” a couple in West Virginia, where else, was arrested after police pulled over a stolen RV only to discover the pair completely nude, totally plastered, and enthusiastically trying to merge both lanes and each other.
According to a criminal complaint that likely made the arresting officer consider a career in goat herding, both man and woman were in the driver’s seat at the same time, which is either a metaphor for modern relationships or the worst possible take on “ride or die.”
The vehicle, a luxury RV that was surely not theirs, was allegedly stolen just before this mobile mating ritual began. Like all great American love stories, it had desperation, momentum, and absolutely no sense of consequence.
When asked what they were doing, the woman allegedly replied, “We was fucking.”
Police, unsure whether to charge the couple with theft, indecent exposure, DUI, or performance art, settled on all of the above.
No word yet on whether the RV will be returned to its rightful owner or immediately burned with sage.
Meanwhile, the couple is facing multiple charges and possibly a Lifetime movie deal.
