“Woman shot in butt after sliding into MRI machine with loaded firearm”
An unidentified Wisconsin woman was left with an extra pair of holes in her butt after she took a loaded firearm into an MRI machine during a doctor’s visit in June, according to Food and Drug Administration records.
The most exclusive gated community in the universe—harp music and clouds mandatory. Entry requirements are fluid but seem to involve good behavior, belief systems, or being a golden retriever. Eternity is rumored to include infinite serenity, zero taxes, bingo, and all-you-can-eat buffets. Wi-Fi status unknown. No refunds on reincarnation.
A Canadian couple was eaten by a bear recently despite “shooting” her with a full can of BearScat, “the world’s most effective bear repellent.” Stung by criticism from outraged Redditors, the company has introduced BearScatPro. Each giant-economy-sized can includes a coupon for 20% off any Smith & Wesson hand gun.
“Careful, Hon, that plate’s hot,” the waitress said. “Not as hot as I am,” he snickered. His wife rolled her eyes. “What, you don’t think I’m hot?” “Your brother’s hotter.” “Can I get youse anything else?” the waitress asked. “A towel,” he replied, tossing his drink into his wife’s face.