July 2007 – postcards from the pug bus

Michael Vick’s Dog House Program Busts Britney Spears

philmaggitti 435 Views 1 min read

NEWPORT NEWS, Vir. – Michael Vick’s Dog House, a one-minute segment of social commentary, debuted on radio station WCUR in Newport News, Virginia, during morning drive time yesterday. Sponsored by Chomp, the nation’s leading manufacturer of quality steel-jaw leghold traps and other restraining devices, Michael Vick’s Dog house promises to put the bite on the Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Rules in I Know Who Killed Me

Chip Hilton 462 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Lindsay Lohan rules the screen in Tri Star Pictures I Know Who Killed Me in which she plays Aubrey Fleming, an aspiring actress attending college in New Salem, a small but idyllic college town. Aubrey, who bears a startling resemblance to a troubled young actress named Dakota Moss, disappears one night on her Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Innocent of Cocaine Possession Says LAPD

Chip Hilton 423 Views 1 min read

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, who was arrested for cocaine possession and driving under the influence of alcohol Tuesday, has been cleared of the cocaine charge, according to a member of the Los Angeles Police Department. “After reading Lindsay’s email to Billy Bush at Access Hollywood, the one where she said it wasn’t her cocaine we Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Arrested for DUI Again, Exclusive Timeline

philmaggitti 456 Views 6 min read

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession yesterday, offenses that are, coincidentally, quite similar to the ones that occasioned her surrender to the Beverly Hills police six days ago. “Lindsay fell off the wagon and was dragged a few blocks,” said her representative, Leslie Sloan Zelnick-Sloan, “but she is in Read More

Sporting Life

Michael Vick Puppy Soccer Game Pulled by Madden

Biff Scuzzy 481 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Michael Vick’s Ultimate Puppy Soccer (UPS), a high-concept video game that had been scheduled for a September release, has been pulled by the Madden Group following allegations that Mr. Vick hosted actual soccer games in which puppies were used instead of balls at his southeast Virginia retreat. “We were all set to Read More

News

Mike Huckabee Says Michael Moore Has Manboobs

Biff Scuzzy 492 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee challenged Sicko creator Michael Moore “to take off his shirt and show us what he’s hiding.” Mr. Huckabee also charged that Mr. Moore’s body mass index is so high he’ll soon have to breathe by blowing water through a hole in the middle of his shoulders. “Anybody with a set Read More

Music

Live Earth Event Planned to Fix Live Earth Concerts Damage

philmaggitti 477 Views 2 min read

LONDON – Last Saturday’s Live Earth concerts were such an environmental disaster that concert organizers plan to schedule another, more environmentally neutral event to offset the damage done by the first one. “In terms of carbon footprints, Live Earth was somewhere between Sasquatch and Jennifer Hudson,” admitted former president-elect Al Gore, the brains behind the Read More

Portal

President Bush Commutes Harry Potter Death Sentence

Biff Scuzzy 442 Views 1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush announced yesterday that he is prepared to commute Harry Potter’s death sentence should he die in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and final book in the grossly popular series. “I respect J.R. Rowling and her decisions as an author,” said Mr. Bush in a written statement, Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Enters Rehab

Chip Hilton 451 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Michelle Wie checked into a Promises residential treatment center early Sunday afternoon to seek help in battling what she called “like, a minor substance thing.” Looking not at all like the emotional wreck who walked off a golf course in North Carolina the previous day, sobbing and mumbling to herself, Ms. Wie Read More