December 2009 – postcards from the pug bus

Tiger Woods’ Last Golf Digest Article Leaked to Press

philmaggitti 469 Views 3 min read

TRUMBULL, Conn. – One day after Golf Digest had announced that it was suspending Tiger Woods’ popular instructional series, “Lay It As It Plays,” the final column in that series was leaked to the press. Entitled “Workin’ the Two Hole,” the article contained Mr. Woods’ most playful comments to date regarding his serial infidelities, but the magazine Read More

Religion

God Slaps NFL Players with Dire Warning

philmaggitti 506 Views 2 min read

HEAVEN – God issued a dire warning yesterday to football players who point to the sky after making a play. In an e-mail sent to sports desks around the country the supreme referee declared: “I will not be mocked by these strutting, vainglorious popinjays who imply that their success is down to the fact that Read More

News

Police Searching for Stolen Breast Implants

Chip Hilton 493 Views 1 min read

PENNSAUKEN, N.J. – Police are searching for a pair of 38-D breast implants obtained under false pretenses earlier this month. The breasts were lifted from the Route 70 Center for Plastic Surgery by a thirty-year-old, red-headed woman who used a bogus ID to pay the first of three, easy $4,000 installments for body and fender Read More

News

NuvaRing Launches New Marketing Campaign

Biff Scuzzy 492 Views 3 min read

WHITEHOUSE STATION, N.J.- NuvaRing, the world’s largest round contraceptive device, has seen its image go pear shaped owing to a dungstorm of lawsuits filed on behalf of persons who have died or who have otherwise been discommoded while using NuvaRing. Consequently Merck pharmaceutical company is launching Let Freedom Ring, an ad campaign designed to “square Read More

Sporting Life

Tiger Woods Admits to Tryptophan Addiction

philmaggitti 429 Views 1 min read

JUPITER ISLAND, Fla. – Tiger Woods revealed on his website this morning that he has decided to seek treatment for his tryptophan addiction. Mr. Woods also revealed that he was “high as a kite” the morning he shanked his SUV into the rough on his front lawn. “For several years now I have been tryptophan-dependent,” Read More

Religion

God Installs Caller ID and Verizon Corporate Package

philmaggitti 447 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Because of the overwhelming number of prayers received in the weeks before the deaths of Terri Schaivo and Pope John Paul II, God has installed caller ID and an automated phone menu to handle all future prayer requests. These features are part of the new fiber-based Verizon Corporate Package, which also Read More