Month: February 2010

HOLLYWOOD – Professional fat woman Kirstie Alley has emerged from the den where she hibernates with her bratwurst during the winter. Ms. Alley hauled her sagging, cellulite-ridden, 230-pound ass onto the Oprah show last week to pimp her newest weight-loss program: Organic Liaison. We’re not certain whether this is Orca Girl’s fifth, sixth, or tenth weight-loss program, Read More

LOS ANGELES – Nearly four years ago Charlize Theron told members of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) that she would not get married until gay marriage is legal in the United States. Ms. Theron made that pledge after GLAAD had presented her with the Manguard award, a prestigious, yet lighthearted, honor given Read More

LOS ANGELES – Actor Charlie Sheen is “a person of interest” in the brutal attack on his Mercedes-Benz, according to Los Angeles police. The 2009 Mercedes, a four-door black sedan, was found on its roof at the bottom of a four-hundred-foot ravine near Mr. Sheen’s Hollywood home yesterday afternoon. When Mr. Sheen reported the car Read More

LOS ANGELES – Brad Pitt’s friends are worried that his relationship with Angelina Jolie is taking a fearsome toll on the once boyishly handsome actor. They claim that Mr. Pitt, who looked forty-one going on twenty-nine when he left Jennifer Aniston five years ago, now looks every minute of his forty-six years and then some. Read More

 HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – Reality television star Tila Tequila has canceled her Twitter account after telling her 309,980 followers that “Twitter is full of nothing but the most hateful devil worshippers, terrorists, racists, and fat people that I have ever seen! Twitter is bad. My true fans know where to find me.” Before leaving Twitter, Ms. Read More