October 2013 – postcards from the pug bus

The Grammar Prick Says Leave God Out of It

philmaggitti 492 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–While the Grammar Prick was watching a football game on television recently, an announcer declared, “Quarterbacks like Peyton Manning are a godsend.” What is wrong with that statement, boys and girls? 1) Peyton Manning, despite his success during the regular season, has a crap record in playoff games and has won just one Read More

Religion

God “Sick and Tired of Being Everybody’s Damn Witness”

philmaggitti 463 Views 1 min read

HEAVEN–The Lord God Almighty has had it up to his Charlton Heston-like brow with people who say “as god is my witness” when they want to underscore a statement or a threat. “Have you any idea how many times a day some fool who is overwrought, argumentative, drunk, or all three, calls on me to Read More

Religion

Pope Francis OK with Miley Cyrus Remark

philmaggitti 553 Views 1 min read

VATICAN CITY–Pope Francis told the website Hunger TV that people should not be so quick to condemn Miley Cyrus for saying she didn’t want some “seventy-year-old Jewish man that doesn’t leave his desk all day, telling me what the clubs want to hear.” Speaking via Skype, his holiness said, “The young people I follow on Read More

Technology

New iPad 5 Will Introduce Fading Keypad Letters

Chip Hilton 712 Views 2 min read

CUPERTINO, Ca.–The big whisper from the Apple campus here in Cupertino is that Apple’s new iPad 5 and iPad Mimi 2 will introduce fading keypad letters. This innovation, one of several iPad redesign elements in the offing, has the potential to be the breakout star of Apple’s fall launch event scheduled for October 22. “Our Read More

Religion

Chinese Altar Breads Flooding American Market

philmaggitti 449 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–The ultra-competitive altar bread market has been thrown into a cocked miter by the emergence of Chinese players in this sacramental arena, but at least one of their American counterparts does not seem inclined to turn the other cheek. “We are a Christian nation, and they have the audacity to sell sweatshop altar breads over Read More

News

Pennsylvania Governor Compares Same-Sex Marriage To Incest

philmaggitti 564 Views 2 min read

HARRISBURG, Pa.—During an interview broadcast yesterday on CBS 21 News in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Republican Governor Tom Corbett was asked by anchor person Sherry Christian about a statement made by his lawyers comparing the marriage of a gay couple to the marriage of a pair of twelve-year-olds. Gov. Corbett, 64, who faces a tough re-election challenge Read More

Sporting Life

WNBA Finals Will Proceed Despite Government Shutdown

philmaggitti 496 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK–Proving once again that it is capable of meeting any challenge, the Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) announced today that it will hold its championship series as scheduled, beginning this Sunday in Minneapolis, despite the current government shutdown. “We know that a lot of people may have been distracted (from the upcoming finals) by Read More