Book of Daze

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.—Pascal was on to something when he wrote in Pensées, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” That was 349 years ago, Gentle … Read on

WEST GOSHEN, Pa—If a nation can be judged by what it celebrates, the United States is fucked six ways to Sunday and back. To point a crooked finger at just one of a frightening shitload … Read on

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Those fucking soccer moms and their limp-dick, male-pattern-baldness, girly-man, yes-ma’am allies are at it again. Their tiresome crusade to reduce our vibrant, often fractious, melting-pot society to a white-bread, missionary-position-only blandness has … Read on

WEST GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Pa.—The impact of Friedrich Nietzsche on our times ist überwältigend, so overwhelming, in fact, that it often seems as if there is more than one Nietzsche; and according to The New … Read on

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Today we celebrate National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day in memory of that time when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim. No man worth his Bushy Beavers subscription can … Read on

In 2009 when Barack Obama was less happy and way less rich, he warned that “a critical shortfall of gravity brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past” was the greatest existential threat … Read on

Gimme a D … gimme an A, and an R, K … a capital “dub” … and an E,B, too. What’s that spell? What’s that spell? What’s that spell, you deaf mother-fucker? Dark Web, that’s … Read on

Baltimore, MD—Mayor Bernard “Jack” Young urged citizens not to park near white vans because “evil, evil people in white vans” are trolling the city searching for young women to enslave, force into prostitution, and murder, … Read on

Few activities enrage feminists more than side-saddle riding. We’re talking horses, now, not some perverse spin on scissoring. Feminists of every sort—classic, non-binary, echo [sic], inter sectional, intercollegiate, separatist, and beard wearing—lose their … Read on

The Romans had an expression for it . . . “it” being a foul, snot-flinging, food-showing, ass-kicking mood that envelops a person for no reason. The expression was In lectulo surgens sinistram: He got … Read on

Small Town America, who doesn’t love it … or at least the idea of it? Tree-lined streets with a church on every third corner; impish, tow-headed children on loan from a Norman Rockwell painting; no … Read on

The Ten Commandments are a clusterfuck, badly in need of prioritizing. Does skipping church on Sunday really deserve to be on the same list as killing somebody? Should muttering the occasional “Jesus H. Christ” be … Read on

It’s a 1970s game show, a 1932 movie, and a late 1920s marketing ploy designed to bait people into using more matches. It’s three on a match, that’s what it is, Skippy, and today is … Read on

Al Gore is rightly celebrated as the “father of the Internet,” but few people know that he is also the “father of the toilet cam,” whose praises we sing today. The former vice president confessed … Read on

Do you remember what you were doing when Beatle George Harrison died eighteen years ago today? Of course not. Most people don’t remember what they were doing when “The Quiet Beatle” was alive. That’s how … Read on