postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Month: July 2005

Celebrities

Brad Pitt Hospitalized with Jennifer Aniston Symptoms

Chip Hilton 464 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Three days after Jennifer Aniston had collapsed on the set of The Breakup in Chicago, a bloated and barely recognizable Brad Pitt was admitted to an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital with symptoms identical to those troubling his estranged wife: nausea, double vision, gas, and headaches. As news of Pitt’s arrival in hospital Monday Read More

Celebrities

Johnny Depp Cited at Willy Wonka Premier

Chip Hilton 432 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp was cited for “gross negligence and insensitivity” by the International Fraternity of Fashion Monitors (IFFM) as he was leaving Grauman’s Chinese Theater Sunday night following the premier of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Even though members of Grauman’s security staff, who had been alerted to the IFFM’s presence, grabbed Depp and Read More

News

FDA Viagra Blindness Warning Too Late

philmaggitti 471 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Yesterday the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced that the popular erectile dysfunction drugs Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra should carry warnings on their labels advising users that the drugs may cause blindness. Unfortunately the warning came too late to save Gerald DeHaven from setting fire to his retirement apartment. DeHaven, 72, Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Spurs Brad Pitt Rumors

Chip Hilton 408 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Angelina Jolie’s decision to adopt an Ethiopian baby has sparked rumors that her current leading man, Brad Pitt, is sterile. “Mr. Smith Shooting Blanks” laughed a headline in today’s Sun, London’s tabloid conscience. “This Stud’s a Dud,” jeered the rival Mirror. Both journals reported that Pitt and Jolie had tried unsuccessfully “for months” to have Read More

Music

Lil’ Kim Gets Advice from Martha Stewart

Biff Scuzzy 441 Views 3 min read

KATONAH, N.Y. – Ex-con Martha Stewart sent rapper and future con Lil’ Kim an e-mail “just to let my home girl know that gettin’ banged up ain’t the end of the world, see what I’m sayin’?” Stewart, 63, sent the e-mail to Lil’ Kim, 30, after the Grammy-award winner, whose real name is Kimberly Jones, Read More

Music

Bono Reunited with His Hat

Chip Hilton 479 Views 2 min read

(UPDATE) – A joyous Bono declared that “justice had prevailed” when he learned that a circuit civil court judge in Dublin had ruled that Bono’s one-time personal fashion consultant had to return various articles of clothing and photographs wrongfully obtained from the fashion-impaired political activist. The disputed items in the historic case were a Stetson Read More

Music

U2 Wins Lawsuit Over Bono Hat

philmaggitti 448 Views 4 min read

DUBLIN – Bono won a landmark legal decision yesterday when a circuit civil court judge in Dublin ruled that Bono’s one-time personal fashion consultant had to return various articles of clothing and photographs to the diminutive, fashion-impaired political activist. At issue in the historic case were a Stetson hat adorned with numerous buttons and trinkets, Read More

Music

Live 8 Artists Profit from Surge in Downloading

Chip Hilton 406 Views 3 min read

LONDON – The Live 8 concert held on Saturday to raise awareness of the poverty problem in Africa has spurred an outbreak of activity on Internet file-sharing sites. Music Underground PLC, a web-based fanzine that tracks “non-sanctioned downloading activity” in the UK, reports that artists such as Pink Floyd, The Who, and Annie Lennox enjoyed surges Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Rips Brooke Shields in Birthday Interview

Chip Hilton 502 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Scientologist Tom Cruise revealed yesterday that he is “much older” than the forty three years he has spent in his present body. Indeed, said Cruise during a half-hour conference call with selected reporters from his fan clubs’ newsletters, he is “old beyond reckoning.” What’s more, his current life is “probably one of the Read More