June 2007 – Page 2 – postcards from the pug bus

Paris Hilton’s Medical Condition a Gripping Saga

Biff Scuzzy 390 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – A mysterious medical condition made Paris Hilton “a danger to herself and to other inmates” at the Century Regional Detention Facility, said Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca, who ordered Ms. Hilton released from jail yesterday after she had served barely three days of a twenty-three-day sentence for violating the conditions of Read More

Technology

Microsoft Acquires Open Source Christian Software

philmaggitti 474 Views 2 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – Microsoft’s co-founder Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama. Endtimes!, “the inspired binary word of the Lord,” is headquartered in Opp, the center of Alabama’s Silicone Holler. The company produces “open source salvation software for Jesus geeks.” Gates also announced that Read More

Culture

Rudy Giuliani Dies in Sopranos Final Episode

philmaggitti 423 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Republican presidential candidate Rudolph “Rudy the Skull” Giuliani meets an untimely fate in the final episode of The Sopranos. The former New York mayor is gunned down while dining at Umberto’s, a restaurant popular with mobsters, in the city’s Little Italy section. According to Ralph “Jimmy the Fish” Pescatore, who portrays Mr. Giuliani Read More

Culture

Paul McCartney Tea Flavor Coming to Starbucks

philmaggitti 428 Views 2 min read

SEATTLE – Starbucks will introduce McTwee, a new flavor of camellia sinensis, commonly known as tea, as part of its upcoming International Paul McCartney Day celebrations on Tuesday June 5. In addition to playing Mr. McCartney’s new CD, Memory Almost Full, all day long at more then ten thousand Starbucks outlets in twenty-nine countries and territories Read More